Dear wingedmind:

I suppose you can choose to cut contact with him, that is, to “drop him”- but I don’t think you can take things “with a grain of salt”, that is to not feel what you are feeling.

If you can’t tolerate what you are feeling, if you are overwhelmed and can’t manage those feelings, then dropping him sounds like a good solution. If you can manage your own feelings, endure them and still operate rationally, then I wouldn’t drop him.

The question is, do you feel that you are in control of your behavior, that you can behave in ways that will be okay with you, no matter how you feel- or do you feel that you will be blown away by your feelings and be out of control?

anita

I agree 100% with what Hippie said because I personal relate to this –

“My first question would be are you SURE you’re right about him? Some people come across as the “player” type because they’re naturally more extroverted and flirtatious, especially when single. Is it possible that he’s actually a “good guy” when he chooses to be in a relationship? (I know a couple of people like this…men and women. When they’re single they are very flirtatious, date lots of different people and are very “out there” but in reality are very loyal and honest people. When in relationships they don’t “play” their partners and are monogamous and trustworthy.) If this is the case, you need to decide if you wish to find out if he’s interested in pursuing something more with you.”

Personally for me, I am nice to people when I’m out and about when coming in contact with people on a daily basis. I don’t date at all, my heart has been with Angela since 2010. Even when she’s not around, I am loyal. At times she finds it hard to believe when I’m not around and working all the time but being loyal to her is very easy for me. Just because I have a pretty face to the outside world, doesn’t mean I am a player and that I date around and need the validation by behaving that way. That is not who I am and so being loyal to the woman I love, comes naturally. I understand some women/men behave in that way and that’s very sad and disrespectful not only to their parter/spouse but to themselves because those people are in need constant attention and validation. I don’t need that, So I’m not a player.

Once I’m in a relationship, I am loyal that’s it.

Wing you said;

“On one hand it would be cool to develop a platonic bond but on the otber, I don’t even know if thats possible or if I’m going to be used anyways. I don’t even know if he thinks we’re genuinely friends and has a hidden agenda.”

My personal advice is to talk to him and keep an open line of communication with him by phone and then set up some dates of when you two can get together, so that you can get to know him better. I wouldn’t assume the worst of him thinking that he’s a player, going to use you or has a hidden agenda when you haven’t even given yourself or him the opportunity to get to know each other yet. It’s ok to be guarded and stuff but don’t be so guarded or hard on yourself to where you let a potentially great partner go.

You deserve to give yourself a chance at a great relationship. You’re intelligent, so you will do well at getting to know him better too.

Sending you lots of love, positivity and light your way. 🙂

M.

I think you assume that’s not it and make it clear you’re just is friend. Then if he at some point in the future decides to try to use you as “backup” you just remind him that you’re just his friend. If he gets angry at that and walks away then you’re not really losing anything. Don’t assume he worst.