For 20 years I’ve been more than a friend, but never a girlfriend… you know timing, excuses, and fear. In those 20 years he put me through a lot of bad things. I walked away many times (too many to count) and got over the loss and moved on. He came back every time, and although I was reluctant, I forgave him. There was always some encouragement of self improvement I could tell. There were many conversations of forgiveness, commitment, and trust. That said, once we tried to start from the friend level up, *he* failed to make the transition.

After he has (now admittedly) done many selfish and terrible things to me and our friendship, he is going through a period of reflection. It really seems more like complete detachment. He says he just wants to exist and not be negative to people. I am all about self improvement but I struggle with this on the other end. I have forgiven him for the past and I have encouraged a more positive present. Unfortunately it seems like giving up on this 20 years of work, is just easier than really dealing with the mistakes he made and pain he caused.

I’m wondering if anyone here has a similar experience on either end of it. Is becoming detached really the best thing when you have been responsible for putting someone through so much pain. Essentially isn’t it just giving up in hopes both sides benefit from quitting?

Its been 20 years, my friends are so sick of this, so any help from internet strangers is always appreciated.