He chose Zen over me....

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 10 years ago by Anonymous.

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October 4, 2015 at 12:14 pm #84684

Peppermint
Participant

Dear flyby,
I’m sorry, I’m a bit confused by your post, maybe it’s the language barrier.
What is it that you expect from your friend? To apologize for the things he did maybe? Or to become your boyfriend instead of just a friend? What are your other friends sick of, concerning your friends behavior?

October 4, 2015 at 4:32 pm #84698

Ahliyya
Participant

hi flyby are u by chance in love with this dude? if no, then what exactly do u want from him? if yes then please re examine ur feelings because this guy isn’t serious with u…..please move on

October 4, 2015 at 4:52 pm #84700

Josi
Participant

Part of his process is learning to “not be negative to people” and you are his friend. Detach with love and move on. This is completely different than giving up, you are giving him space to find out what he wants. 20 years is an incredibly long time to know someone, and you deserve someone who is ready for an actual relationship. I think he may misunderstand what Zen will do for him personally, it is not a spiritual bypass. If you meditate, let yourself feel whatever you are feeling and let it go. Allow space for the person you are meant to be with.

October 5, 2015 at 8:00 pm #84800

flyby
Participant

Yes, this is someone i have been in love with since i was 15, and now im 35. Like i said, Ive walked away and moved on many times, only to forgive him when he made some improvements in himself.
Personally im okay with me and the past, but i guess he is not.

Maybe his idea of zen is just an excuse? I just dont understand the concept enough

October 5, 2015 at 8:13 pm #84801

Anonymous
Guest

Dear flyby:

With the little understanding I have of your situation with this guy, it seems to me that it is a shame you spent so much time trying to motivate him to want to be your boyfriend and it is a shame you experienced so much pain in relationship with him. You write that he is practicing detachment, not caring. But it is you that has cared all along, isn’t it? Maybe you can do the zen thing and detach from him? And stay detached, regardless of his future efforts to contact you?

anita
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