Having trouble moving on from my last relationship.

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This topic has 33 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 1 month ago by Silky.

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September 10, 2014 at 2:25 pm #64720
elephantgirl
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@ Silky, I will start NC tomorrow,i heard about that but never able to try it.

I feel somehow not angry about your ex gf. She seems to be really confused to me. I feel like she also suffered. May i ask why did she break up 2 days before moving into your app.? May be there is a reason to make her decide in that way? I do not think you are enemies. You are caring her and loving her, i m sure she knows that.

How about you dating with another woman? Your ex gf has to see that you are moving on and you are happy. No woman likes unhappy man. I am also unhappy and i think i lost my attraction to other guys because of that. I want to be again a woman with full of energy and attraction. I was like that before this relationship and i was able to attract all the men i want. That is how i attracted my ex also. I am still the same woman but unhappy not smiling. I am acting like i am happy to my co-workers but i think people are feeling who is happy who is unhappy. We should concentrate on ourselves to be happy. But how i also dont know.
- This reply was modified 10 years, 1 month ago by elephantgirl.
September 16, 2014 at 9:21 am #64948

Silky
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@elephantgirl – sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you.

It’s a very long story and I don’t have time to explain it all here right now as I am at work.

I’ve been trying to date other women, but nothing is panning out. My ex won’t see anything about my life.

I’m coming here today because I’m worried about me. I am very, very angry today. I cannot stop thinking about my ex and her BF. It blows my mind that she is able to get one. I just cannot believe it. She was so miserable a few months ago, she is unemployed, she lives at home and she is 32 years old. And here I am, almost 1 year to the day when she broke up with me and I am still obsessing over her. I want her out of my mind! I have been in therapy, on meds, and nothing seems to help. I thought that if/when she had a BF, I would be over her.

On one hand I hate her, on the other there’s still some love left for her. This is absolutely crazy! I am getting desperate to move on. She haunts me.

This is torture of the mind. I am miserable.

Sorry, I had to vent. I have run out of ideas.

September 17, 2014 at 5:31 am #65034

Mark
Participant

Hi Silky, I’ve been reading all the posts and wanted to chime in. First off, I’m really sorry to hear what is happening and that you are in such pain. Like some of the other posters, I can relate to you. I’ve been working a long time to get over an ex who did not treat me very well. My ex also is dating someone and those intrusive thoughts pop in often for as well. I too have struggled with some self-esteem and co-dependency issues.

Regarding your ex, yes those thoughts where you picture them together suck, but A) those thoughts aren’t real and B) you know from experience that those “good” times are only temporary. If it helps you, when you feel like those thoughts are really affecting you, try picturing them fighting. We know relationships are not all rosy and lovey-dovey. Another thing I try to remember is that everything ends. Every relationship eventually ends. Either they break up or get married; accept your worst case scenario. Even if they get married that’s no guarantee it lasts forever, everyone eventually passes on. I know that sounds bleak but its true and is helpful to remember in these painful cases.

Regarding codependency, it’s helped me to make a list of things I know are true about myself. Even as simple as: I am a 33 year old man, I love working out, I work for a living. Try starting this list and keep writing it. Start creating an identity outside of her.

Hope this helps, best of luck and you are not alone my friend 🙂

September 22, 2014 at 7:46 am #65351

Silky
Participant

@Mark – thanks for your thoughtful post and sharing your experience.

The anger has subsided and now I’m back to be a little sad and depressed. I continue to have obsessive thoughts about her, her new bf, and our good times together.

I don’t want to think of her at all, so imagining them together fighting may not help for me, but I can try.

I did what you did and made a list of all things I like about myself too.

I had a dream about her on Saturday morning. It’s so symbolic. I saw her at a train station. I went up to her and said hi. She stood up and I said I wanted to see her face one last time. She reluctantly looked up at me with sad eyes and I said Good Bye. I miss you and I still loved you. She hugged me and I grabbed her head and gently brought her face close to mine where we were looking into each others’ eyes and I said I was sorry for hurting her and doing those things after the break up. She began to tear up and she asked me why I did those things. I said that I didn’t know. That I was out of control and that it was most likely because I wanted to hurt her too. We embraced tightly and I could smell her. I said I loved her and she said that she loved and missed me too. But then I said “You love “S” now” twice. I can’t remember the ending but I think I or she was walking away and that was it. I woke up very sad, naturally.

Then, I went to a little festival and wrote on a helium ballon “Good bye, S. I loved you like I loved no other. I am sorry for what happened between us. I wish you peace and happiness. I hope to see you someday again. I love you. Take care.” Then I let it go and watched it as long as I could until I couldn’t see it anymore. I almost cried.

The thing is, she wasn’t the best GF. Looking back I think there were more downs than ups. But my heart clenches on the good moments and how incredibly happy and in love I was with her. I want that back and she’s the last one who made me feel that way.

But, in my head I know she’s gone. She’s been gone for a long time. But my damned heart still doesn’t want to accept things.
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