Hi R,

I can completely relate to the way you’re feeling. I am going through a hard breakup myself, and I wish I had some advice to give you. All I can say is that I’ve learned to take it one day at a time, and that seems to be working for now.

I read this article on TB the other day, and I think you may benefit from it. Good luck and take care.

http://dev.tinybuddha.com/blog/can-make-brain-fall-out-of-love/

-Charlotte

I feel you R but there no time limits in feelings.You can’t say that in a half year from now i must forget her or i have to move on.Feelings are feelings and are all based in belief systems.You have to persuade yourself not to think about the past and all that did hurt you.I know it’s difficult,i feel the same.I don’t have any specific advice.

No, it’s not unusual to still yearn for an old love years later. I think sometimes the lengthy mourning period stems from a person’s inability to accept the reality of how the relationship is at the present time, in this case, over (in the physical, being together sense.) I have no doubt that you will continue to spiritually be in relationship with her even though you are apart, due to mutual energetic attachments fueled by deep emotion.

There is a lesson in this for you to learn which is probably more about your issues stemming from you family of birth, and not from the two of you. You most likely (or most certainly) attracted this relationship precisely for the purpose of teaching you this lesson. These kinds of lessons are always a good thing…they do not come to you unless there is something you can do about it..i.e., you have the power within you to make the changes needed to release these issues, granting you the freedom for even greater love.

It’s so true, the best cure for an old love is a new love. If you could maybe start to become a little more positive, you might speed this process along. Have heart and look on all you have…which is so much! Hey! You’ve got FRIENDS! even if they are in LTRs! and focus on all you want to have! When you find yourself thinking about the past, just stop yourself, take a deep breath, notice your surroundings and be in the here and now and say thank you. Then think about something that makes you happy. In this way, you’ll magnetize and attract into your life all the good things you desire.

You’re 40! That’s a good thing! I’ve always thought 40 was an amazing and attractive age for humans of every gender, but often, especially for men, since quite a few of them take a while to ripen.

By the way, you can break your energetic structures to someone (invisible strings) without without breaking your spiritual (loving) connections, so don’t fear…it is only the pain that goes away, not your sweet memories of that person.

If you want to learn more about cutting energy cords of attachment, look up the books of Rose Rosetree.

All the best to you!

Yes, of course you’re not ready yet; you’ve totally been through it! I’m guessing that girlfriends who look really good while tearing you apart inside are pretty hard to get over. You’re right, probably no one wants to date someone with baggage who’s not quite over his ex, but I have a feeling if they banned such folks from dating sites, the sites would go under. You could just go on dates for practice…nothing to lose. I bet you’ll start feeling more confident if you do. Staying home just tells your subconscious it’s too scary.

Many people believe that perhaps 90% of our actions are directed by our subconscious. We think our conscious minds are in charge, joke’s on us.

And finally…is the glass half full or half empty? whatever you focus on, good or bad, is what you’ll get more of.

@R
NO,of course not, cause forgiveness and happiness are these things that need courage patience and time 🙂
It’s not unusual,it’s the way you see it, if you see things positively or negatively.
Give time to yourself but not much.If you see that you can’t overcome it and time runs out then you have to take serious decisions.For example my ex broke up with me one year ago and we had 10months relationship.I still stuggle with it.I’m better than a year ago but i’m still suffering.Although i know that the day, in which i could be free, will come.Be positive.

2nd subject: I think that we can be happy without other people but we can be happier with them 🙂

R

Being happy alone is a bliss.
Thoughts can lead us or destroy us,…….if you have good thoughts there’s nothing to be afraid of.
Be kind with yourself!! IS the key.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by popi.

oh @R i feel the same…One year and my ex doesn’t care about me even all my thoughts are concetrated in him.
The first two-three months I used to suffer,and a lot of time later.
If you have any social media (facebook,twitter ) in which your ex has also account,delete it.
I did it yesterday after one year and so! Everyday i used to visit his profile until i saw (two days ago) that he is happy and maybe he found another girlfriend.He is not the person I met back then in 2012. He cut his hair even though he’s metalhead, he has friends now even though he used to be all alone,miserable etc.
What i’m trying to say is when you stuck at the past you have to take some decisions even if it’s hard.Try for the best ,there’s no time to lose,our life is small anyway!
I don’t want to make you feel bad for the time you’ve lost thinking of her,but i feel the same and someone must motivate you to be in a hurry.Life won’t wait for you my friend (ozzy osbourne)
Life is beautiful and we must finally live the best we can! No worries for anyone,it doesn’t worth it!!!

After a breakup, people go through six stages of recovery: 1) Denial, 2) Anger 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, 5) Acceptance, 6) Recovery.

Bargaining is the stage where most people get stuck. This is the place that determines if you will be heartbroken for a few days or many years. When you bargain, you still allow yourself to hope. Daydreaming and thinking about your ex is a symptom. Asking her to give it another chance is a symptom. Listening to music that reminds you of her and stokes the flames, is a symptom. Looking at caller i.d. and hoping it is her, is a symptom. As long as you hold onto an unrealistic hope that you will get back together, you will suffer.

Have you ever had an addiction you had to give up? I remember when I quit smoking cigarettes…it helped me to think of cigarettes as an ex-boyfriend that I loved very much, but who was absolutely terrible to me. Quitting smoking was my number one job for a while. Getting over an old love is very much like that. There is, if you are honest, a certain perverse pleasure that comes from thoughts of the past. Often, it is not the person that we miss (if we are honest and have a good memory of all the pain we went through when we were together) but we miss the physical high we felt (because of elevated hormones, PEA, serotonin) or even the physical “high” we get through experiencing stress and drama.

Thinking about your ex every day is part of that addiction. You will naturally think of her, but it is within your power to choose whether or not you will nourish those thoughts by giving in to them. Yes, you’ll still feel like hell at first, but, give it time, you will feel better. Remember, emotions are not real…they come through you but do not stay. Love is much much more than emotion.

Remember, most of this is coming from your subconscious. It wouldn’t hurt to try some self-hypnosis tapes…there are many on this subject.

One very simple thing that can help is to make a list of, say, ten things that give you pleasure (obviously, not involving your ex.) It could be a thought of a person, place, activity, memory. Maybe you could plan your dream vacation, build your own mental castle, write a novel in your head. Give it some thought ahead of time, then when unwanted thoughts come into your head, gently push them away and replace with one of your happy thoughts.

Sending you love and light!