Hi fellow members,

I have been facing a very tough time with a friendship. A friendship that was once very close to me and may be still is but I am very confused about it and very hurt about it. A friend whom I assumed to be my best friend has completely changed and not for good. This all started early in the year after the pandemic started. We both were staying together as roommates for sometime after the pandemic hit. Since he is also alone here and so am I, we both have been each other’s support for quite sometime. We both grew pretty close and I believed he was a good friend to me. I appreciated him always, did a lot of things for him and was with him through thick and thin. After a month his office started back again and he left for his town which is 40 miles away from my home, he went to continue his office. We had this thing between us that we would try and meet every weekend, since some of his weekend work used to be in my city he used to come and stay with me so that it is easier for him to work.

After he went to his home, after staying 1 month with me things started to change a bit. We both were busy with a few things, I had a new dog, new people to meet, new roomates, and a few new friends. I used to involve him in everything, I used to call him all the time when I used to chill with my roomates on weekends or if I was planning to go on road trips or anything. He never used to come, suddenly from meeting every weekend we started meeting once a month. I could try upto a level only. Everytime we used to plan something and invite him, he used to be busy. So, eventually I started inviting him less. Then after a few months, I decided to shift to a new place and called him up. He was very supportive to my decision and has always been supportive to me and this is why I love him as a friend. So then I proposed him that we should go do a trip before I leave town, he never planned anything or never even showed interest in a trip thatI was planning before I depart. So I just let it go and went with a few other friends.

A day before I was supposed to leave I asked him for help with packing and stuff and he agreed to come and help me. He came that day and then left in an hour for some work, after that I kept calling him and he never picked up his phone and completely ghosted me. He suddenly shows up late at night and says that there was an emergency and he could not pickup the phone. I was really annoyed at it because this is no way to behave. If you promise someone to help then either show up or inform that you won’t be able to show up. It takes 1 min to pickup the phone and place a call and inform. I acted very cold with him and so he left. The next day I was supposed to leave in the morning but I did not leave because of some work. I messaged him in the afternoon and expressed that I was quite disappointed by what he did the other day by not showing up and not even calling. He replied me in saying that he met with an accident and was stuck somewhere. I was randomly standing in my balcony when I see him standing down with a girl and a car with broken mirrors. I immediately go down to check on him and he is in a state of shock as soon as he sees me. We go and check his car and I ask him what are you doing below my house and why didn’t you tell me that your car was in an accident and you were standing below my house so I could have come and helped you. He said that he came to meet me and wanted to say me goodbye. I immediately sensed a lie and asked him that I was supposed to leave today and you never even knew that I would be here so how come you decided to show up. He twisted the whole story and I again let it go. He said that we was coming to meet me and the girl who is his school friend called and asked if he could help with the move so he was there etc. I ignored the whole thing because I was leaving that day and starting something new and did not want to spoil my mood.

When I shifted to the new town, he rarely used to ever contact me, I was the only one who used to message him and tell him about my life and stuff happening. I used to tell him that he has changed a lot and how he never calls or messages me by himself. I then visit my old town and we meet and go for dinner. I realize that we had grew apart and I feel bad about it since we were nice friends, I try to bring back our friendship and try to how it was earlier and give in more efforts to it. I try and contact him more often and talk to him about his life and mine. We then decide to meet in my new town for my birthday. After going back and forth for sometime he finally decides to come and tells me that he will reach Friday morning. I shift all my plans, finish my work early and plan the day accoringly. He calls me on Thursday and says that his flight is cancelled and he is not able to make it and will come Friday night. I try and talk to him to get a refund etc and book a new flight as I had planned everything according to the original plan. He says that he will not be able to get refund and I let it go and tell him to come in the evening. When he was flying to my place, I randomly check the flights coming in that day and see that the flight he said was cancelled came in the morning. when he lands I confront him and ask him on why he lied. He tries to deflect it and then later accepts that he lied about it because he had work. I told him that I do not expect this from him and he could have easily told the truth instead of lying. We then go ahead to the trip and I see a very different side of him. He is always on the phone chatting and this is weird because he is a person who hates this. When he is with friends he likes to keep the phone down and talk. And I felt weird too because I was on the trip with him and he is constantly involved in chatting. I ask him about what is going on and he told me that he is seeing the same girl whom I found him with the day he was there to help me with my move. I say that I don’t mind you talking to anyone but when we are on a trip you should try and spend time with friend rather than chatting. We had an argument on it and later he agrees on this and apologizes.I let it go because we were having a trip together after a long time. I try and find out from him on what he is doing with the girl. He tells me a story that they are not dating and he is not sure about her, he believes that he can find a much better girl and he is confused now. She is attracted towards him, flirts with him and he likes that. But he is sure that he does not want anything and does not want to get into a relationship. I explain him that he is playing with a girl’s feeling and being selfish about it. He says that he will slowly create distance with her and end this.

After he left, I was feeling very sad and I decide to go and meet him after 2 days because I was missing him and also it was my birthday and I wanted to be with people. So I go to his place and stay with him. We celebrate my birthday and enjoy a lot. I ask him if I could stay with him in the weekend and he says that he is going to the girl’s house but I could stay in his house. I find that weird because I did not want to stay in his house alone while he is not here. I ask him what are his plans and may be I can join them and meet the girl as well. He says that he does not want to introduce her to anyone until he is sure about the relationship. I find that weird because we could have just gone as friends and nothing else. We get into another argument and he puts all kinds of allgeations on me like I am trying to stop him from meeting the girl, or I am being jealous, I am trying to spoil a new beginning in his life, and I am forcing him to spend time with me and not with the girl. I again try and clear these things but after hearing all of his stuff I decide to leave his house and stay with another friend. We do not talk for a day or two and he calls me on the weekend asking if I am still in town and he would come and meet me before meeting the girl. I got happy and invite him over to a gettogether we were having, later he never shows up or even calls me to inform that he will not come. I had asked him if he could leave me to the airpoort and he conveniently did not reply me about it. I leave town next day with a very heavy heart and send him a heartfelt message explaining what he did. He apologizes again and agrees that he could have done things differently. I let it go and the next day I call him and tell him to be normal and respectful. I put efforts on myself and change a lot of things in me which my friend did not like just because I thought that may be I did something wrong and wanted to prove him that I could change to. He appreciated that and recognized it which made me happy. I saw him putting efforts for a month and I did put too. After a month, I had to go to his town for some work and I ask him if he would like to go on a road trip since it is xmas time. He agrees on it and also involves his friend in the trip. I plan everything and send him a couple of places to stay. He never replies me back on it, I call him message him and he says that he will check it in a day or two. 2-3 days pass by and he never messages. I tell him that it is very difficult to co-ordinate with him and I would rather let him plan stuff and I will just join. He never replies on that too. The next day he messages me asking about 2-3 places to which I reply that I am ok with whatever you guys decide. He never responds me back and 3-4 days pass by. After a week pass by I message him and again express my disappointment on how he behaved. He puts the blame on me saying that I replied him in an uninterested way, and he met with a car accident (again) and still was looking at places. He puts the blame on me and talks to me about things that happened 2 years back between us. I try and clear stuff with him and tell him that he is behaving childish, he apologizes and comes back to me again. I let it go again.

I do the most stupid thing and I plan another trip with him after all this. We go to a place in his car 3 hours away from his town and 3 hours from my town. The plan was to spend 1 day there and then I will take a car from the airport and drive to my town. Me, him and his friend travel together, we enjoy the day, have fun and laugh a lot. In the night we get drunk a bit, especially I was very drunk and I say some things to my friend. We both get into an argument and say a lot of things to each other. Both almost said equally bad things to each other and that is why I do not want to get into that. The next day I wake up with a hangover, vomiting all around and ask these guys for help (I was in a different room alone). No one from them shows up or asks me how am I, they just leave. I take an uber to the airport, drive back 3 hours with such a bad headache and no one ever even tried to find out if I was ok or not.

It was extremely painful to watch someone like this, a person who was such a nice friend lie so much and behave this way. I want to end this friendship but I am still thinking that may be we can talk it out and I feel myself as a foold.

What should i do?