I have been through so much stress in the last 2 months. My anxiety reared it’s ugly head again due to alot of stress. My son had been bullied earlier this year and as a result started with panic attacks and crippling anxiety. Then a month ago he told us he had suicidal thoughts, it broke me and I felt inside like my heart had been torn out. I had to keep going being positive, I have no support only my husband. My mother isn’t at all supportive, she is close to my other siblings and spends 7 days a week helping my sister with her children and babysitting for her children. She tells me she hasn’t got time to support me. Stupidly a few weeks ago I broke down crying when she rang. I never let my guard down with her as she gives me no love or support. So I told her what was happening with my son and that my anxiety and panic attacks had flared up terribly because of it. She said nothing. A week later she visit, arranged a day to come and see my children and turned up at 4pm after spending the full day with my sister. My children were crying asking her why she doesn’t come to see them and if she does it’s only for an hour once a month or so. I heard her say ‘well you know where I live’ to them and I cracked. I made the children leave the room and I calmly, maturely and without emotion told her how badly she treats me and my children. I told her for 3 years I am used to her rejecting me but now she is rejecting my children I won’t allow it to continue.

My brother has a serious mental health condition, it causes him to be violent and paranoid and 4 years ago he attacked my husband unprovoked and then a year later chased after me in his car and tried to attack me. Both occasions police involved. After the second time I cut him out of my life and as a result lost my siblings and mother. They resent me alot for dividing the family and they think I should forgive him because he is ill. Sorry, just a bit of background to my mothers behaviour. Since then she has been distant and the strange thing is every few months she cries to me asking why we aren’t close anymore. I say to her I am here and want a mother and we aren’t close because she never comes to see us, doesn’t support me or my children if we need it. When I told her about my son being suicidal it took alot for me to tell her with fear of rejection again, which she did. I said how much it hurt that my mother didn’t come to my side to support me knowing how upset I was. She said ‘Well your sister had, had her nose job so she needed me to look after her that week’. Thing is my sister has nose jobs, boob jobs…. and my mums priority is her and that is fine but I won’t lie at times like this it hurts me. I have grown a thick skin and am used to her not being around, I hit rock bottom after what my brother did to the point I didn’t want to live. I was housebound with anxiety and had no support. My husband had to work and I was alone all day. All because of what my brother put me through. My mother rejected me then and from that day I have never asked her of anything.

Sorry this is getting long already lol! Anyway, last week my daughter was rushed into hospital and was in hospital for 2 days. My son had a terrible week of panic in school and I began with vertigo type symptoms. My husband had to take 2 days off to help and he slept at the hospital for me. My mother knew and she called me one night and I broke down crying (why do i do this) I guess i was hoping after our recent talk she would step up and be a mother. She just said ‘oh she will be back home soon. You’ll be ok with your boys. You know I’d help if I could’. She lives 10 minutes away. I said ‘I am not asking you to help’. I won’t ask her but obviously she knew deep down that she should.

It hurt me so much and I have been crying alot. I think it’s just we have been through so much and had no support recently and now i am ill I am feeling so lonely and afraid.

I have been so worried about the vertigo symptoms. My gp called me yesterday after my hubby rang him to tell him how scared I was and bless him he came to my house. I was scared stiff but he said its ok I will be there if you have a panic attack and help you. When he arrived u told him how scared I was about this off balance feeling. He did a full examination. He checked my temp, BP, eyes, ears, muscle tests and balance tests. He told me physically I am fine and it’s not anything serious or an inner ear infection. He listed to how much stress I have been under. My daughters been ill in hospital and my son told us a month ago he had suicidal thoughts. I have no support and I’ve been juggling it all. He diagnosed me with stress and anxiety. He said anxiety when acute like this can cause dizziness and an unbalanced feeling. He asked why my mother doesn’t support me and I told him I had no idea, I have no support and my husband has to work.

I have never experienced this and I’m terrified. Even though he’s done a full check up I am still so scared. He told me to rest but also keep moving round slowly to build my confidence again. I picked my son up from school then my daughter, made their dinner and then I remembered my son had gymnastics so I had to go out in the car again. The floor felt it was moving and I panicked I’d fall to the ground. I was terrified. I just took my kids to school this morning and when I got home I felt like the ground was moving under me, my legs feel like lead but weak, I feel just generally ill and very very afraid. I am sat sobbing. I keep waking up praying it has gone but only to feel it just as bad I am adding fear to it I know but I can’t help it, I am so scared it’s a brain tumour or something serious.

Can stress and anxiety really make you feel so bad? 🙁 I have no idea how to not fear how I feel and no idea how to cope with this if it is anxiety. Any advice appreciated.