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Haven't been able to stop crying for days

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  • July 10, 2016 at 8:21 am #109294
    andy
    Participant

    Love is one of the most intense sensations we can feel. That alone causes all sorts of powerful reactions.
    What is interesting is the lack of logic involved! There is no way to really think yourself in or out of genuine feelings. When we try to resist or change honest feelings, tears may flow or anger may build.

    Perhaps the real struggle is with the impermanence of life itself. We all try to hold onto the ‘good’ things while doing our best to manage the ‘bad’ things. In the end it is all flowing and changing. The more you try to grasp tightly, the more things slip through your fingers.

    It is useful to face fears. It is often a case of shining a light on things, only to see them vanish or become less threatening.
    Love happens in its own way… and follows a course we cannot control.

    It hurts like heck to lose the sensation of love, and it hurts even more not to allow it to take its course.

    Life is fleeting, and the only real fear is of losing that life.

    Wishing you peace on your own path, and hoping things become clearer as you go along. Feelings are a handful 🙂

    July 10, 2016 at 9:03 am #109296
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear norg:

    In that article (the link you provided) it reads: ” long-term pair-bonds share neural circuitry with parent–infant bonds…pair-bonds and parent–infant bonds share common biological substrates…Thus, adult attachment work has been built on the notion that pair-bonds are the adult instantiation of attachment in childhood”

    Did you consider the possibility that you suffered an “insantiation of attachment in childhood”- that is you had an unavailable, unloving parent, one who maybe loved you a bit, conditionally, one you reached out to again and again but was rejected and felt great distress about being so alone, as a child… that the same anxiety you felt as a child is triggered presently when you feel attachment to a romantic figure?

    anita

    July 10, 2016 at 11:59 am #109315
    G
    Participant

    Hey anita, that’s an interesting thought but no, I’m extremely close with both of my parents and always have been. I guess it is more of a problem of coming to terms with fleetingness or transience.

    July 10, 2016 at 7:03 pm #109326
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear norg:

    What is “extremely close” with both of your parents? And what is the Extreme aspect of the closeness?

    anita

    July 10, 2016 at 7:15 pm #109329
    Miniature Bodhisattva
    Participant

    Hi Norg!

    One of the best books I’ve read on dating/love is “If the Buddha Dated” by Charlotte Kasl. In it she suggests when we’re scared to do this exercise – take what your fear to its most logical conclusion. It works like this…

    “I’m scared of getting hurt again.”
    What would happen if it did?
    “I’d cry for days.”
    Then what?
    “I’d never date again.”
    Then what?
    “I’d be alone.”
    Then what?
    “I’d be lonely.”
    Then what?
    “I’d want to call my friend.”
    Then what?

    You get the idea. Eventually you break down it down into bite sized pieces and it’s no longer so overwhelming, and you can think about it with a clear mind.

    I don’t know if that helps, but when I read your message I thought of that. Only other words I leave you with is don’t let possible worst case scenarios dictate your life. Someone once said, “I regret the things I haven’t done, more than the things I have.” You don’t know what will happen. You may fall out of love…or it may last until your dying day! Who knows!

    Sending loving kindness your way.

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