Dear Meshga94:

You shared that ever since you hit puberty, whenever you hang out with someone who looks better than you, has more money than you, is academically more successful than you, etc., you feel worthless and you “don’t want to see them anymore”.

You recently shared with a friend that you need love in your life, that you “can’t go on hating everything forever”, that you need to put away this hatred and have someone in your life to love and be loved in return. The two of you had a conversation. Next, the two of you were joined by a third person who was visibly more interested in talking to your friend than to you. You “felt so worthless“, excused yourself and went home. You didnt talk to your friend for about a week.

“Why am I feeling this way? Am I jealous of everyone? If not, what is it called? How can I fix it? Is it ‘worth’ to fix it?”

My answers at this point:

“Why am I feeling this way?”- because you believe that you are worth less than other people. It is a great injury to oneself, to believe such a thing. We need a sense of justice in our lives, and justice means that all people are equally worthy. When you believe you are worth less than others, it is an injustice and an injury, it hurts and it makes you angry.

“Am I jealous of everyone?”- you are jealous of everyone at the moment you feel that you are less worthy than that person. It doesn’t take  much for that moment to arrive because it takes only one factor in that person that is superior to you. For example, you may be more educated than another, have more money, look better overall, but the other person has a .. better looking nose than you. It may be a silly example, but I hope you get my point.

“Is it ‘worth’ to fix it?”-yes, because not fixing it means a lifetime of pain and misery (even if you graduate from a prestigious university and get a high paying job, etc.)

“How can I fix it?”- the place to start may be in your defining the related terms human  worth and worthless?

anita

• This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by .

Dear Meshga94

Hope you are safe.

When I read your thread, I realised that I could relate to the feelings, relate to the pain that you are going through. You are not alone.

Puberty, is probably one of the toughest times for someone, especially mentally. It’s the age where we strengthen our beliefs and also are easily influenced by what we see around us.

As anita rightly mentioned, it would be helpful to define what worth means for you, and what factors do you use to measure your self worth.

You mentioned that you like talking to people at the same socioeconomical level as you, and that’s okay. We all feel comfortable around people who understand us, and we can relate to.

And I understand your need for love. All of us crave connection, and warmth. (Personally, I do understand your frustration relating to the love department and being burnt out pretty fast.)

What I can also see that your own feelings for yourself are making you afraid of forming true connections, and pushing people away. I have been in your place, and I still struggle with it sometimes. I’m here to say that it’s okay. It’s really okay to feel all those feelings and express them, as you did in this post.

You talked about the third person, who was more interested in talking to your friend. I hear you. But at the same time, it’s important to know and understand and reflect if the third person knew your friend, or if it was a stranger. And why was it, that the third person made you change your feelings towards your friend?

I think anita has beautifully articulated some points, I will just ask you a few more questions.

Why do you feel this way? What feelings arise in you when you feel this way? What sensations do you feel in your body?

They might be uncomfortable and painful. Accept them. If you feel guilty for having these unpleasant emotions and hatred, you will cause yourself even more pain. We are humans, and our humanness makes us vulnerable to hate our own selves. It is understandable, and it is okay. But if you are not replenishing this hatred with love, your mind will slowly grow tired.

What makes you feel good about yourself?

I know it’s hard, considering the circumstances, but even if it’s something as simple as how your laugh sounds, I think this will help you form a better relationship with yourself.

You know yourself the best. You know what you need. You need love, and you will find it in the simplest of things. Hatred can’t exist without love. Don’t deny yourself the love you deserve.

I’m not a professional, and I would certainly ask you to explore your beliefs and values with the help of one, to be able to navigate through these complicated feelings a bit better.