Hi Kevin,

When you said that you have new fears on your list each day, since you know that you can’t control everything, maybe it’s time to look at what you are worried about. Are your fears likely to happen? Are they something you can control? This is something that group therapy or indiviudal therapy can help for sure. Not speaking about your depression can often give you a sense of isolation, it’s good that you reached out on these forums, but most importantly a counsellor is best, if not a friend.

Though I cannot say, it sounds like a significant part of your depression is related to worrying. Though you know that you cannot control everything, it’s worth challenging each worry. You can do this by researching into them more. Are they likely to happen? Are they inevitable?

It really depends what you are worried about but I can give an example of worry I had.

When I was young, I use to be fearful that a man will come and shoot me while I am walking. To minimize or prevent it, I constantly would check every 5 minutes behind my back to see if there was anyone following me. It became a habit but my simple walks to the library became extremely stressful. I challenged it like this. How common are gun shootings? Though it could happen, why me? I’m just a kid. I concluded this was an overly exaggerated thought that became obsessive because I kept reinforcing it by checking to see who is following me.

Ideas live if you behave in ways that feed them. I allowed my fear to keep living by behaving in ways as if it were happening.

I am not supporting recklessness, but definitely consider challenging each worry on individually.

My experience may or may not be useful. I found that when I have an expectation or specific way I believe is correct in living my life, this can create depression. This isn’t only cause of it, but at least it was a significant one for me.

I use to think that I should be enjoying myself since I’m given so many opportunities or I should have do more with my life because of my fortunate upbringing. Meditation is still helpful imo, but figuring out the thoughts and beliefs that lead to disappointment and guilt will help minimize depression.

Just because you are given gifts, doesn’t mean you need to accept them. By this logic, you do not need to be living it out just because you are given opportunities. I remember beating myself up constantly for not finishing my university degree. I felt like I was wasting an opportunity that not many people get. I felt like my parents saved their money for my schooling, so why should I let that go to waste?

Though I am only 20, I can relate to the feeling of emptiness when surrounded by fortune. The “shoulds,” when minimized frees you to existing just for existing. I felt much relieved the more I gave time to myself to read a book or watch movies just because I could.
At first, I felt terrible because I had it all and “should” be getting a move on with my life.

Warmest Regards,
Alana

I may be wrong, but it seems like “planning” what to do tomorrow seems to be consistently leading to more sadness. It’s not that you don’t want to make time for yourself but it seems like the “making” of time is making you sad. Not the whole picture, but a part of it. Do you think being more spontaneous with what you want to do will help? Nothing reckless or damaging of course. Just kinda like, going for a walk because it’s sunny. Taking a bubble bath because it’s cold. Something that isn’t planned or controllable.

Behaviours and thoughts lead to certain emotions. Being aware of which thoughts and behaviours lead to positive and negative emotions might help. Reducing ones leading to negative emotions and accumulating ones that lead to positive emotions can help.

Since you have been trying to reduce the behaviours and thoughts leading to negative emotions for a long time and but didn’t find it useful. Maybe you should try to accumulate behaviours and thoughts that lead to positive emotions instead of reducing the negative ones.
I would focus on behaviours since you seem to be very aware of your thoughts. No worries, thoughts take time to change but behaviours might be easier or provide more relief.

You’ve mentioned that listening to upbeat music and seeing friends gave more positive feelings. For starters, maybe you can update your playlist of upbeat music, you’ll be surprised which musicians you’ll come across 🙂 Seeing your friends is nice, but I also wouldn’t depend too much on others since they have their own schedule and you don’t want to feel disappointed if they are too busy to hang out. An alternative might be going for walks in sunshine or laying down in the park.

Warmest regards,
Alana