Hello, I’ve been dating a man for the past 5 months. There has been some confusion throughout our relationship, mostly from my end (I also have tendencies to be insecure), but overall things have been very slowly progressing and we’ve experienced some really great times together.
I’m not sure, but sometimes I wonder if he falls into the spectrum of having high-functioning Asperger’s Syndrome? I know this is just speculation, but if this is the case it may explain a lot and help me to better understand him and our relationship. I have no qualms about being in a relationship with someone who has this syndrome, I just want to educate myself on how to better communicate with him in general.

A few things I’ve noticed:
– He walks with a slight gait (almost like a slight limp), which I read is a common trait in Autism and Asperger’s. He does not have any past injuries that would affect how he walks that I know of.
– He is not very expressive with his mannerisms. His facial expressions are not very expressive and his tone of voice is generally monotone.
– He’s uncredibly smart, especially with math. He’s a Chartered Financial Analyst. He’s also one of those types that does crossword puzzles in pen. His intellect is one of my favorite traits about him.
– My friends have tried to talk to him in loud environments (say, at a bar) and have pointed out that he sometimes gets confused during small talk. Since his career is in finances, my friend asked him how the stock markets were doing. He seemed confused about the relevance of the question, like why he was being asked about this at a birthday party at the bar. My friend had to directly explain to him, “I know you work in finances and I don’t know a lot about the stock market. I was wondering if you knew how the markets were doing?” It just takes extra effort with him sometimes to explain why he’s being asked certain questions. Like the intention of the question almost has to be explained sometimes.
– He’s very reserved. Very, very, very reserved. Interestingly, he is comfortable with physical contact (holding hands, kissing in a private setting, etc…), but he has described talking about emotionally intimate conversations as “exhausting.” If we talk about feelings regarding family members, past relationships, or events in our lives that weren’t pleasant, he gets physically uncomfortable, gets straight to the point, and then changes the subject within minutes. If I tell him that something upsetting happened to me, a typical response will be, “I’m sorry to hear that. I can imagine that’s difficult.” He does not usually engage in conversation or ask questions. The topic also does not come up again. Like he will not ask me two weeks later, “How are you doing? Is there anything I can do to help?”

I want to respect his personal boundaries and take things slow, but after 5 months of dating I still feel that I don’t really “know” him. I would love to grow a deeper connection, but it’s difficult when our main conversations revolve around topics like: switching from one cable company to another, the high price of airline tickets, and the logistics of when we’ll watch a TV show together.

I don’t know… even if he doesn’t have Asperger’s Syndrome, does anyone have tips on how to talk to him about deepening our emotional connection as a couple? I’m curious to hear what other people’s advice would be.

Thank you!