Dear Nichole:

“freeze time” is the best idea, freeze time with all your family members, that is.

Let them know that you will temporarily be in zero contact with all of them for the purpose of you healing from the serious injuries that were inflicted on you in childhood. Let them know that when you heal enough you will contact them, be it months or years from now.

anita

Dear Nichole:

The message from your older brother is sickening to me, personally:

“I don’t know what it is that you are going through…” – I ask him in my mind: years of sexually abusing your little sister are of no clue to you about what your sister is going through???

“I will do anything to get your respect back. I’m not perfect and I apologize for everything I have done wrong but I would give anything to have the bond that we had”-

– the bond that you had with your little sister when you molested her for years???

– you apologize “for everything I have done wrong”- how convenient to apologize for “everything”; how about specifically apologizing for years of sexual abuse???

– “I would give anything..”- how about giving your younger sister the thousands of dollars required for quality psychotherapy so to heal from you sexually abusing her for years?

-“I’m not perfect”- how generically convenient. How about specifying your imperfections in regard to you treating your little sister for years???

Your younger  brother: “just wanted to tell I love you and miss you, you still got family here for you and always will be?” –

– does he have a clue about you having “family here” not being such a great thing for you? Any clue about what his older brother did to you? If not, he should know.

anita

Dear Nichole:

Your aunt smeared you, you shared. One grandmother was “very mean and standoffish” before, I think you mean, and you confronted her about being mean and standoffish. She denied that she was and instead told you that she loves you, if I understand correctly.

“Why am I losing myself?”- because you are looking for yourself in your grandmothers.. in your brothers… in your cousins… in anyone with a genetic affiliation to you.

What makes people special and meaningful in our lives, in a positive way, is not genetics, but relationships !

“What do I do?”- pursue quality relationships instead of genetics !!!

anita

Dear Nichole:

Yes, what you are experiencing is normal, that is, it is not outside the human experience. Your nervous system has been through a lot, jolted and it needs recovery time. What you’ve been through is similar to being placed in a blender and then the blender is turned on.

Problem is you are staying inside that blender and you keep letting other people turn on the on-button. Most recently you initiated visits with two grandmothers, pointing them to the on-button.

So, get out of that blender by no longer presenting yourself to family members for yet another round-and-round turbulent trip in that blender!

Once you do prevent re-injuries this way, you can take steps to recover and you will feel better long term. It will not be easy or fast, but you will make it, you will see !

anita

Dear Nichole:

You mean your older brother’s daughter, a few years old? If so, you planned on seeing her and your older brother? … If so, in what context, a restaurant?

anita