Dear Nichole:

Who told you that you pushed your mother to her death, who specifically said it or agreed to it once it was said?

anita

Dear Nichole:

I am so sorry, Nichole, that he said that. Looking at the title  of your 11 page thread, “guilt and pain after mother’s death”- what he said hit hard where it hurts you most. I can’t believe he did that. Well, now you know who is… not there for you. It feels like the end of the world to you, not having anyone, anyone you can rely on?

anita

Dear Nichole:

Well, I have personal experience with that feeling of the end of the world, having no one to rely on and being alone. I was there and I made it here and so can you.

There were quite a few time in my life when I didn’t have a safe place, not having a home to go to, being in a big city not knowing anyone at all. And I was in that position not well, not … bright-eyes-and-bushy-tailed, ready to make friends and do well in life. Not at all, I was anxious and depressed but I made it and here I am typing to you.

As bad as you feel, you will survive this feeling, the feeling will not take you down to oblivion. What you feel, I felt and so many, many people have felt, even now, as I type this, so many people feel this way and are truly alone.

Make today a beginning, start your life anew. You did well for a long time before the recent events. That ability of yours, to aim at a goal and succeed in making it come true, this ability is not gone, it is temporarily dormant. But it is there, trust me, it is there in you.

Make today a beginning, like a baby relearning to crawl, then to walk, step after step.

You said you don’t have any friends. Well, hire someone to pack your stuff, move to one of those rentals you used before, not long ago, make travel arrangements. Not to the ex!!! No, no, no!

First, pack and move, and don’t look back but forward, one step at a time.

anita

Dear Nichole:

Back to square one, you wrote. Square one being moving away from Family, out of state, to a place where you have no family. Excellent, an excellent square one, couldn’t be a better square one for you to be in.

See to it that as you proceed to square two and three, that you don’t go back to this family. It is simply not good for you. You have to let it go, that longing for them, at least, accept this longing but don’t act on it.

Regarding Florida, you are not thinking about that man there, are you?

anita

Dear Nichole:

You mentioned moving to Florida, a different state, you didn’t suggest before that you wanted to stay in Chicago. So now you are considering staying in Chicago? “and try to work it out”, you mean make your relationships with your aunt okay, as well as with your younger brother?

anita

Dear Nichole:

Congratulations ! I am impressed that you were able to make this move, to rent a room and live away from your aunt, excellent!

I understand your loyalty to your family, Nichole. You are a good person, loyal, loving, having the best intentions in context of your family. But you know the line “stupid is as stupid does” from the movie Forrest Gump? Well, don’t be stupid, Nichole. Be loyal but not stupid, loving but not stupid.

In other words, do not live with any of your family members, not with any of your brothers or with your father, or with any aunt or uncle. Resolve to never do that again. Regarding relationships with any of them- remember how miserable that visit was to your older brother, in Arizona I think it was? You had a miserable time there and in the way back with your younger brother. Do not repeat that visit!

Don’t do the same things that already brought you misery. You can live in Chicago if you resolve to.. not be stupid in Chicago. Or move elsewhere, as long as you resolve to not be stupid anywhere!

Please let me know what you think and I will be glad to communicate with you daily as you figure out what to do and where.

anita

Dear Nichole:

I took Zoloft Feb 1996- sometime after 2010 (off all psych drugs Oct 2013), most of the time 300 mg per day, 400 mg per day for years. Felt better for a while but didn’t get the psychotherapy I desperately needed before 2011, so my functioning in life deteriorated through the years of taking the psych drugs.

“I had tremors all night”- can you elaborate? (I had tics since I was five, these are sort of tremors, I guess, uncontrolled muscle movements that involve great distress).

“What is the point? How could family tear you down so bad? How could  life be this way? All I want is to find kind, loving people. Is it even possible?”-

– I hope that soon enough, Nichole, you will no longer be bamboozled by reality. Sometime back in history it was acceptable and legal for parents to kill their children when inconvenienced by them. Although it is illegal now and unacceptable, aggression within families, aggression executed by parents against their children is very common, be it physically or verbally. Aggression and mistreatment by parents and by older siblings against younger siblings is very common. Such is not common in nature but does exist in situations where animals are held captive, such as in zoos.

Our human society is such that people are held captive, in a lot of ways, which is the reason why aggression and abuse are so common.

When will Nichole no longer be bamboozled?

anita