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I saw a glimpse of the real world in college that angers and confuses me greatly. I feel completely disheartened by people. I am not suicidal at all but, I am not eager to continue witnessing what life has to bring; there is so much brokenness. Please look at the major themes of the examples I am going to write below. I would love your inputs on how you deal with these injustices.
1. Rape
Why is rape such a common occurrence? In addition, why is it so poorly addressed in our society? Why did so many authority figures look the other way during Larry Nassar’s actions? Because people were too uncomfortable to address the issue? Because it damaged their reputation in the short-run? It literally allowed him to continue hurting people, which he did.
2. Outspoken People
I have received very poor treatment from people when I try to do the “right thing” or “stick up for when something is wrong”. I am sick of people looking the other way and shunning me when I bring a moral issue to attention. For example, again with the Larry Nassar case. Why did Aly Raisman receive such poor treatment and support from authority figures and peers? She was even told to “keep quiet” about the topic. The people who told Raisman to be quiet about Nassar’s actions look even worse now and it was malicious to try to cover up his actions. It logically makes no sense to me.
3. Romanticizing drugs/sex
I acknowledge not everyone is like this but, why do a lot of people think it’s cool to get obliterated or be high all day? Why is it celebrated if someone has meaningless sex with someone they met at the bar? There is this pressure that you have to go out on a Friday night and if you don’t have plans, you’re lame. I have seen so many people force themselves to go out with a crowd that they don’t even like and just stand around with a drink, not really interacting with anyone and fake dancing in place. How is that fun?
4. Confronting internal problems
I went through a period of bereavement (multiple deaths and first heartbreak (toxic relationship), all in a week). I did what felt natural to me; I dealt with my feelings/thoughts head on, no drugs, went to therapy, and surrounded myself with friends and family. I never had the urge to get in a new relationship or have rebounds. A professor told me to go on antidepressants. Another professor told me to drop out of school and that “happiness is a choice”. I was told to “not think about it”, sleep around, date someone, “I need to just be happy”, etc. Now that I have made peace with it, I am blessed and happy for all it taught me. There is one part that I am not fully over though. Part of why it was hard to recover from all these losses was because of the horrible treatment I received. Despite being sad for months, I behaved like any normal person and was judged for being sad all the time. It was like I was seen as a problem/dramatic for being distraught by the people dying and the abusive relationship I was in.
5. Anxiety
I am not rejecting the existence of mental disorders or their hindrances at all. However, nowadays it seems like many people are incorrectly on anxiety medication and abuse it. Have an exam coming up? Pop a Xanax! I met too many people in college who could not handle simple academic responsibilities or would throw a tantrum/be crippled if something did not go their way. To an extent, anxiety is important and needed for development. It can be a motivator to fix a stressful situation and is generally your body signaling something is wrong. It has gotten to a point where if you feel anything negative, there is something deeply wrong with you and you should not feel that way. It is like we are living in Brave New World. So many people abuse these mental medications and then they don’t grow. They become dependent, permanently tinker with their chemical imbalances, become numb/unable to identify their feelings, and do not build a resiliency to the common hardships that life brings.
6. Unprofessionalism/Respect/Lying
In college, professionalism was strictly taught and enforced. But, it’s absolutely laughable because so many authority figures and businesses fail miserably at being able to simply treat a person respectfully. Why is it so difficult to be kind towards each other? Why do brats who throw tantrums get their way because nobody wants to deal with the drama yet indirectly enabling their behavior to continue? My best friends and I have such a genuine bond because we communicate when we get frustrated with one another. But, we recognize and trust that the other person did not have ill intentions so, we are able to resolve our infrequent problems. It is doable and it is not that hard haha. I don’t understand why many people can’t take responsibility for their own actions. They freak out if you dare speak about their role in a conflict or try manipulative tactics to make you feel bad. If I did something harmful, I would want someone to call me out respectfully. I am not out there to hurt people or step on anyones’ toes. But I am also not out there to be walked over and bottom line of this post, I am tired. I am tired of people. I know I am not perfect; I make mistakes too. But I just don’t get these destructive people who resort to sex, lying, using people, abusing drugs (mental and/or illegal), unable to take responsibility for their actions, etc. I know their problems are not my responsibility but it is still extremely irritating being surrounded by these people. It is irritating because they generally are hurting others with their destructive manners but, they’re also hurting themselves.
Hi Anita,
It is not a current relationship, but rather a buildup since high school. I have been in too many fake friend groups who have taken advantage of my altruistic personality, body, money, and skills. I enjoy making people happy but, I am not doing it out of confident issues.
The way I try to live my life is like this: I am a Christian and I genuinely want/enjoy loving people and trying to be understanding. When I am at a content state (which is majority of the time), I enjoy focusing on how I can help others.
I reached a breaking point. People have consistently used me/don’t see how much I go out of my way for them. I’m expressing that last part not because I want credit, it’s because I’m only one human; I can only do so much. They begin to treat me horribly if I don’t give them what they want (usually because I can’t at the moment or need my own time for self-care). My best friend once explained to me, “It’s because you are such a giving person that once you stop doing it, they think you’re acting out of character.” I’m tired of people not caring for me and in addition, throwing a fit when I can’t hold their hand. I feel like people only care what I have to offer and don’t care about my wellbeing. Once I can’t help them, it’s like I’m not even a friend to them.
I started living by a new rule: Give without any expectations. But, the twist to it is, I will only do a favor if I accept I will not get mad if they treat me like crap. Because of this, I don’t bend over backwards as much anymore. It has helped immensely but, I am tired of people who throw fits now that I won’t do as much for them anymore. I have prevented 3 people from killing themselves, personally subletted other peoples’ apartments for them (made the ads, talked to potential tenants), set up poor people with solid jobs (helped them physically draft their applications), etc. I’m tired. I have met too many people who get mad at me if I can’t fix their problems. They ask for more and more. I’m fine with giving but, I can’t do it anymore haha (temporarily). I try to remove myself from the situation and they still find ways to haunt me with their instability and stress.
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 