Going in circles in my own head!

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This topic has 5 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 10 months ago by smit.

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January 24, 2015 at 9:45 pm #71880

M
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Hey there. First time posting here but I see so many helpful responses to topics on here. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
Anyway I’ve been with my boyfriend for less than 6 months now and it started great, we were happy and laughing always. He’s head over heels for me, he paints me pictures and always tells me he misses me and he likes me. But lately I’ve been feeling smothered with it all. He’s never been one to fully please me in bed he refuses to go down on me or even just touch me there, I do so for him and we’ve even talked about it but he still refuses without explanation. And really that makes me feel just like a warm hole to him, I mean who doesn’t get into bed with their partner with just the need to please them and just take eachother whole heartedly and just get lost in it? I believe him when he says its not like that seeing as how great we get along. Because of that whenever he touches me outside of the bedroom I feel wronged somehow like he shouldn’t be allowed to or something. The kisses and hugs just don’t feel the same anymore so i broke up with him. The breakup was pretty heartbreaking and devastating for him. It hurt me to see him hurt afterall i did cause all the pain. I took him back the next day and he told me he loved me. I was still with the idea that i needed space and time to see what i truly want. He keeps texting me and I don’t want to ignore him but I really just don’t know what to say. I don’t have any answers for him and i don’t want to let him go. I really like him and can see a future with him but I’m scared the only reason i see a future is because I assume he will change in to this perfect picture i have all planned out. He is truly a thoughtful and funny man but is it me? But I’m just tired of feeling like i have this weird responsibility to have to take care of his hard dick because it’s there but really it just makes me uncomfortable. I feel like he thinks its too much for me to ask him to not whip out his dick on any occasion unless we’re both willing to please eachother…
Sorry if I lost you, my thoughts are just everywhere. I just don’t want to feel like I making a big mistake by leaving for good.

January 24, 2015 at 10:12 pm #71881

M
Participant

There’s just this feeling of it being unfinished and that this is not how it should end. I can already feel how much i will miss his company and any how we’ll never get to do all the things we had planned.

January 25, 2015 at 7:50 am #71886

Sunfl0wer
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I am not sure that I am understanding completely. You say he refuses to touch you there. Or is he just not touching you with anything other than his penis? Do you have intercourse? Are you able to find ways together that ARE pleasing to you sexually?

I think that what we do and how we relate to another in bed is often consistent with how we relate in the relationship. For example, when I was feeling my BF was withholding of himself in our relationship, he also was less active in bed and I felt like I was doing all the work and pleasing.

January 25, 2015 at 11:04 am #71889

Maggie Black
Participant

I feel like you are answering your own question… like you know what you need to do but just want some reassurance about it.
You know… if he would even just talk about the problem with you, well, that would be something.
But as it is, you are left just holding the bag… not knowing what to do with it.
Because you are trying to please him but he isn’t reciprocating.
What to do with that???
How can you ever feel good, free, loved, whole or anything else if your lover won’t even talk about it, much less do anything except put his penis there.
Sex like this is actually just one step from masturbation in my opinion.
no closeness, warmth, intimacy, or all the beautiful things that make sex so wonderful.

I am telling you what I would do.
I would tell him that this is unacceptable to me.
That I really love sex and want a very satisfying sex life and I am not getting it.
I would tell him that I want some time to think things through. I want to just have time to be who I am and see how I feel.
This will give you an opportunity to find out how much he means to you and what you are willing to trade off for in the relationship.
Trade offs aren’t all bad… but some are dealbreakers.
If you find out that this is then you are halfway out the door.
Best wishes.

January 26, 2015 at 7:28 am #71907

Locutis
Participant

Maggie has good advice. Everyone has different things they will do and need sexually. If he won’t do the things you need you simply have two choices: accept it or leave. If he decides the relationship is worth it he would at least try I would think, but if he isn’t even trying there’s not much you can do. You can’t change anyone or make them do something. The more you push It usually only does the exact opposite and they becomes less likely to change.

January 26, 2015 at 1:31 pm #71915

smit
Participant

I think the decesion which u had taken earlier was right.. if u feel u aren’t satisfied by him, then u shud leave him as u had made urself very clear about what u want.. and he isn’t complying to it. so u gonna stay unsatisfied and frustrated.. it will take u nowhere and u WILL break up in foreseeable future.. so I guess u shud leave him.. he will move on.. so will u
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