Home→Forums→Relationships→Girlfriend Broke up due to Stress/Depression
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August 28, 2017 at 10:51 am #165998
Anonymous
GuestDear Craig:
I agree with your statement: “I know putting myself first is best for me just as putting herself is best for her.”
Congruent with the statement, with the principle of it, seems to me that it is better for the two of you, individually, to end this relationship. What I mean by it, is to move on as if there is no future to it, as if there is no reconnecting in the future. Holding on to hopes for a reconnection will be unfair to a girlfriend in your future. It will be in-the-way of you developing a loving relationship with another woman.
This woman reads to me like an honest woman. I hope she finds what she is looking for, the help that she needs. Somehow, for whatever reasons, she did not find that help in the relationship with you.
The hopes for a reconnection, that is a sentimental, perhaps well intentioned expressions on her part and on yours, and that is all it should be. It shouldn’t be a promise. It shouldn’t be a reason to live in an emotional in-between situation, a purgatory of sorts, waiting, waiting.
anita
October 15, 2017 at 6:40 pm #173339Miss Healing
ParticipantDear Craig:
I’m writing you this from the bottom of my heart. I’m going to speak from HER side…I’m a medstudent and I lost a 4 yr relationship due to depression and anxiety, not because I didn’t love him, actually, sometimes I feel I love him more than I love myself, but clinical depression isn’t just “sad mood” and crying…It comes along with feelings of not being worthy, extreme guilt, sleep and eating disorders, trouble focusing on your career and your personal life. I knew this because I studied this topic for psychiatry…but everything changed when I first went to a psychiatrist, and she asked me if I recently like an “outsider” in my life…I realized I did feel that way. I felt I had no longer control in my emotions, I was just “alive”…
I really think that she should accept that this is a disease, and thank God it can be managed! With a physician and a psychologist. You should firstly, make sure if she wants your help (BUT ASK HER! DO NOT TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED), if she does, advice how can she fix this from another point of view….I’m sure that If she was looking for wedding dresses, is because she thought she could spend her whole life w/you…so, fix it up: together.
Best wishes!
February 28, 2018 at 8:32 am #195201Jason
ParticipantWOW!!! I’ve been searching for this post for 2 months now everywhere!. My heart goes out to you and I now want to say I almost know how you feel.
But let me tell you my story. My ex now of two months ( although we were only together 4 months), told me that I deserve to have someone who wanted children and commitment, I didn’t know my friend told her that before we got together that one day I’d like to have them as most people would, broke up with me strangely and abruptly.
We both work a lot and her especially 6 to 7 a week 2 kids 2 mortgages trying to get her ex off the lease of her house so she could move on without him ( been apart for 2 years and hates him) but I know he did a lot of damage to her over the years and left some mental scars.
Now I’m not the type to fall head over heels nor be overbearing or needy and I’ve had 3 months (I’ll explain the month gap in a sec) to think about it and I know I was perfect for her I was great to her kids, she always texted me almost everyday and when I seen her …i don’t know but you can just tell by the way your partner looks at you that they are falling for you we booked a holiday together for christmas she was so excited told her kids that i had planned a suprise for them, she talked about cutting back on work this year so we could spend more time together and this is a week before the last time I seen her.
So on Halloween I came over and cooked her dinner whilst she had taken her kids trick or treating but she was distant, sat across the lounge from me staring at me told me that we can’t have sexy time tonight because she was exhausted which I said ok but through the distance I felt I just lay in bed and didn’t comfort her as I had a million thoughts running through my head at that point.
That was the last I seen her.
My friend whom set us up said she came into work and broke down so be nice to her and that was strange because she was normally so strong and at this point she had been ignoring me for 10 days I only called once to see if she was ok as I knew she needed space and I was stubborn.
25 of November I sent her a text to ask if we had broken up and she sent one back the next day sayng the children and commitment thing as well as don’t take it personally I’ve been ignoring everyone.
Now my friend told me that she told her that if she was in the right frame of mind that I’d be the one she’d settle down with, and maybe in a few months when I’m in a better head space …who knows. she said i was different then any man she had ever met and mentally stronger (if she could only see me now haha).
I didn’t get it, I didn’t and don’t understand how this could affect a person so much I’ve never been one to stress over anything but now after reading an unrelated post about depression and anxiety I put two and two together I’ve been studying everyday to learn about it in the chance she does come back I have been on dates with one foot in as I don’t want to hurt another woman just to get over my ex and I know we were only together a short while but I just had that feeling she was the one and maybe it was the type of breakup that has thrown me but I can’t stop thinking about her. Ps I’m aware that I was wearing rose coloured glasses but we clicked the moment we met. I know I just ranted on for ages but I had have had a lot of pent up questions on my mind of late and I can’t talk to anyone about this.
I would love to hear what happened since then as it has been 6 months for you now pleas let me know( if you’ve read all this rambling) if she came back or you have found someone else. Thanks
April 2, 2018 at 11:58 am #200543J
ParticipantI am throwing my hat into the ring here with some important thoughts for everyone to consider. I only wish I could have shared this sooner. When we go through a loss of any kind – be it a breakup, moving away, death or any other type of discontinuation of a relationship of importance and love, we forget that the most important thing we have to do first is GRIEVE! It does not matter who hurt who or what happened – the reality is that your wonderful, comfortable situation is no more. You are now in a state of limbo, unsure how to move forward. Accepting that you must grieve is a tremendous part of the beginning of the road not only to recovery but to reinvention and revitalization. By grieving you accept that you are burying the hopes and dreams and everything that went into your partnership as it is. It allows you to look at the future with an open mind. Grieving does not mean you never speak to the person again, or that you cannot get back together in the future – that is something else altogether – grief is the slow process of letting go of everything and beginning new.
Grieving can take weeks, months or years. No one knows how long someone needs to grieve and you have to give yourself that time to do so. Once you grieve, then you can ask yourself – why did I allow myself to fall in love with that person? What was inside me that felt safe and comfortable to take this leap of faith? Why did I want that person to love? Once you grieve you can work on finding your why to quote Simon Sinek. So what you fell in love – everybody does – but why were you so willing to do it with this person? From there you can explore those ideas with the person if they are ready to talk and share. Beginning a new relationship with someone you broke up with can be beautiful or painful based on how you grieve. Give yourself space, give them space and once you are both ready, if they are a part of your why, then be ready to learn to be patient in understanding how to fall in love all over again
May 8, 2018 at 6:16 pm #206381mosfet
ParticipantBrand new to this forum. Hi, everyone. Craig, if you’re still around… mind sharing what happened?
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