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ghosted in my first lesbian relationship

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  • January 14, 2016 at 11:34 am #92529
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    I think you deserve closure, that is such a strange end. You deserve to state your feelings, let them out of your heart, there is no need to be mean on purpose but you should definitely state your feelings and say what you really feel. It is the least you can do, just being led like that. I understand a little what led to her behavior as sometimes we want to cling to someone/something even if it’s not what we want exactly. Who may know for her behavior but you are entitled to let her know how she hurt you and that your feelings aren’t to be taken lightly, I think some clarification is good. No harm in that, even if it just for yourself.

    January 14, 2016 at 11:50 am #92532
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear faber castell:

    I would write to her a short message, something authentic that comes from you. Here is what comes to my mind, but of course, it has to be YOUR own:

    I would write something like this: “I cared for you a lot and I believe that you were often not honest with me. It hurt me that you were not honest with me as often as you were. I wish you spoke your mind and told me how it really was for you, then we could have, I would hope, helped each other and loved each other. But being honest, straightforward, direct with me.. these were not your choices. It saddens me. And so, sadly, it is my choice to end our relationship.

    (name)

    This way you are giving her your honesty (yet again, for the final time, as is) and you are giving her a gift, an opportunity to examine herself. You are letting her experience the CONSEQUENCE of her dishonesty with you, the natural consequence. this is the best you can do, says I.

    anita

    January 23, 2016 at 3:32 pm #93433
    faber castell
    Participant

    Thank you so much for your input, anita and Roxanna. To be honest, I haven’t been able to send it or even wrap my head around what I need to say and be more precise about it. I’m full of fear. Why do you think people always advice against sending these kind of post-breakup e-mails? I feel embarrassed to say I do care about it, I feel embarrassed just by thinking she ever loved me at all and now I feel like I have to “suck it up” because I can’t really force anyone to be anything different than they are, or to love me. I feel like I have nothing to demand here… and she will know how much I actually care when and give her an ego stroke or something. I think I should write it (many times I do) but I’m too afraid. Any thoughts?

    Also my self esteem has crashed and now I feel I’ll never be able to be with any other girl ever (I’m heterosexual but since her I’ve really wanted to find another girl and I don’t like any and the ones I like don’t even look at me). Ugh.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by faber castell.
    January 23, 2016 at 3:37 pm #93435
    faber castell
    Participant

    Dear Roxanna, thank you for the input and your thoughts, also, I was wondering, what is it that you see of her behavior? Like she clanged onto me but didn’t really want me?

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