I was just ghosted by my boyfriend of almost 5 years.  Although we did not live together, our children were like siblings.  His children moved far away about a year ago and I knew it was a matter of time before he would move too.  But, he promised my daughter (9 then) that he was not going anywhere.  He moved in April.  He promised he would return within a few months of setting up his new house and buy a condo here for me and my daughter.  Not only did this not happen, he resorted to not answering or communicating at all.  I can get over it and am already dating and hopeful for the future, but my daughter is another story.  She is very upset and I do not want her to feel like men are never going to keep their promises or abandon her.  It was a very shitty way to break up but I have way more self esteem and am not broken by this.  I guess I just want to vent.  No one can change what happened and I am looking forward to attracting a man who wants to marry instead of stringing me along for four years.  I still have that twinge to text something to him to make him regret his behavior but there is nothing that he deserves from me.  I have learned so much about myself and about the reality of that relationship and will use the information to guide myself in the future. Cue “Love Hurts” by Nazareth.  For those of you ghosted, you are not alone.  I didn’t even know this was a thing.  A very, selfish, shitty thing.

I have had two longtime platonic friends (I am a straight female and so were they) do this to me, and it has been very hurtful and traumatic. I still am bewildered that people can be so cruel. I cannot imagine having a love relationship do this. Unfortunately, the Internet and social media make this much easier and socially acceptable. I’m sorry for anyone who had to endure such treatment from a partner/lover. 🙁

Have you not Heard anything yet?

I have a story like yours and a possible expanation for what happened to me.

2 years. 40 +. We have kids but not together. Had a real Close Connection and talked on chat EVERY DAY for hours and MET several times a week. Planned future.

We had some problems. He was scared to be hurt, had trust issues and began to be a bit controlling and blaming sometimes.

But suddenly he ghosted me.  He did not reply my phone calls, my texts, my chats, he did not open the door for me. We live very Close so I saw him passing in his car. I was totally destroyed. I only knew he was jealous and thought I did things to him that I did not, so it felt like a punishment. My friends tried to tell me this was not OK behaviour and that he was too jealous and that I should be glad he left. But I wanted to have a Life with him and we were so Close and shared things I would not Dream of doing with anyone else.

After 2-3 months I saw he started post happy Pictures on social media. He became friends with new girsl. Then  I Heard someone had spoken to him and they said he was not OK . So I again tried to Contact him – you have to understand I was in crisis and Went to therapy to cope with this, i could not stop love and could not understand WHY and HOW could he if he loved me that much, he could not sleep cause he was so worried that I was going to cheat or leave him, he had to love me … right?

And to my surprise – he answered. You know what he said?

” I had to break all Contact cause I was feeling so ill due to our relation, I had do save myself”

He could not handle to talk so he sent me a text instead that he could not have a stormy relationship. Never ever did he consider my feelings of that rejection that happened without explaining, despite he Always talked about we NEVER should cut off Communication and if you break up with someone you are obliged to take the talk and make a good finish.

So OK I got confirmation that he wanted to break up but never any closure or understanding or anything else. And seeing him with new Girls on pics, make me Think he was the fake one that lied and therefor was so jealous.

But the explanation I have, is that he was not healthy. I knew some of  his problems, but he never told me all. He most likely had BORDERLINE personality disorder. That made him love intense but also made him watching me very Close and looked for suspicious behaviour that meant I was going to leave him. So hours in nights discussing that, suddenly makes sense. and then he finally switched from adoring me to devaluating me, as for BPD, he suddenly just discarded me and could not handle the emotional distress to talk about it, so he just creeped away and hide for me, to save himself and because he did not care for me at all nomore. But for a person without BPD, love cant stop that fast-

Anyway. I still struggle, I cry a bit almost every day, I try to move on but I have big scars inside that will take time to heal. Noone deserves to be ghosted.   Noone should have to struggle with the questions “what did I do wrong” and “it is all my fault, i should never have done this and that” and oh how hard it is to explain to the kids why our new Family suddenly ended.

How can anyone just cut all Communication when you have a very Close relationship?

Well that was my story. If you been ghosted after a long term rs, it is most likely it says more about the ghoster than you. In case you were not abusive and so on.  So  how to heal from it? That I have not the full answer to yet

Do you have?

This is an old post, so I hope someone sees it.  I’m devastated after being ghosted by a 44-yr old man that I have been dating LD for 4 mo.  As I write this, I feel foolish bc there were so many red flags.  I am writing to seek help in processing this so please no sarcastic remarks.

Four mo long distance does not seem like long; however, the nature of the relationship speeds up the process bc you spend days at a time together.  Not to mention we had just returned from our 1st trip to Paris over Thanksgiving.  Day one, he was showing me something on his phone when he accidentally switched over to the texts and I saw a female name that I had seen pop up on his phone during previous dates, which I never mentioned.  It was a text from him saying that he had just landed and…he exited before I could see the rest.  I casually asked who that was and he lied saying it was our mutual friend.  I told him that he needed to choose his next words wisely because that was no the truth.  He made it seem like an innocent misunderstanding and it was just another female friend that lived in his condo building.  I questioned why he would send such an intimate text to a “friend” when he doesn’t even tell me when he lands as he travels multiple times in a week.  He stuck with the lie and explained that it was a long flight so he texted bunch of people who would probably be worried.  Oh yes, the poor executive who’s only flying business class today instead of private.  At that point I told him I would no longer speak to him until he wanted to tell the truth.  He let me be upset for over an hr and then confessed she was his “ex” girlfriend, that they lived together when we met, he cheated on her with me, they now live in the same building but separate and are just friends.  I told him I wanted to go home but friends of mine were waiting on our arrival.  I told him to put on a brave face to visit them for a few hrs.  During our get together he was sweet and I warmed up to him.  Afterwards, I asked a lot of ques which he seemed to answer honestly and decided to suck it up so we both could enjoy the trip.  We did and it was amazing!  We had a minor fight when I started to feel insecure about the situation but chose to trust him.

When we got back I didn’t hear from him for 3 days, figured he needed space because we rushed into a honeymoon trip and he kept mentioning being scared to get too close after a divorce 2 years ago.  Then I get a bomb thru text breaking up with me because he felt a pit in his stomach from us arguing so early on.  He felt bad!  He felt bad because he was deceitful not because of me.  In fact, I was an angel compared to how I could have and possibly should have reacted.  My gut reaction was that he was still living with this gf but maybe not bc he is also under a lot of stress after leaving his last company.  I can be hot headed so I didn’t react and asked if we could talk.  He agreed and said he just felt like something was off…yes you are lying and hiding things.  I told him it was a bad situation but we handled it well and considering how compatible we were I wanted start over.  If it ended I wanted it to end bc we weren’t right for one another not bc of a situation he created bc he’s stupid (if it was the truth).  He told me he really liked me and assured me there was no one else but needed space for the next week to iron out a big career move, we could text/talk thru the holidays and then pick up where we left off.  He did call a couple times, seemed like an update and a chore.  Texted me on Xmas, nothing over New Years although I had offered to make plans seeing that he was so busy with his new job.  He said he would let me know and I never even heard from him until I texted on Jan 2 asking what happened.  He couldn’t get away and would call after the weekend.  Well Mon I was in Vegas not sitting around on his call so I called back Wed when I got back, went straight to vm.  Thought ok he’s traveling I’ll try tmrw, same thing.  Fri morning again so I text that I’ve been trying to reach him.  No response by night, so I finally ask what’s going on.  Crickets…

He was the 1st man I opened myself up to after nearly a decade of being in a Stepford wife like role with my emotionally unavailable ex-boyfriend who came into so much wealth that he stopped valuing people, especially me.  The new guy knew that and how hard it was for me to let down my guard.  What hurts the most is the lack of respect.  I could have handled an honest explanation no matter how horrible.  I want to demand an answer, call him a coward, contact the “ex”girlfriend to let her know he’s lying to her too.  I will not lower myself to any of that but how do I release this pain and anger?  How do I not let it affect my self esteem?  How do I give dating another chance when it always ends in disappointment after a fairytale start?