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Getting my thoughts organized ….

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  • November 27, 2013 at 8:05 pm #45909
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    Dear community,

    I am hoping to get some help in sorting out my feeling and next move. I recently came back from a vacation in Ireland and fell in love with the country and people there. I am lucky enough to have the resources and opportunity to have this as an option but i am having a hard time sorting it out in my head. I want to get my MBA in Dublin and leave my job in the States. I have been in the states for 17+ years and have spent most of my life here. Even though I think Chicago is one of the most beautiful places in the world, i still can’t call it home. America has never felt like home to me and neither has India (I was born in India and spent 14 yrs of my life there). Dublin is appealing to me for its beauty and its people particularly one person. I met a man there who has become a good friend. We would be more if we lived in the same country but Alas we don’t. We talk everyday and have been good about keeping our relationship real by not labeling it anything more than friendship. I know we really like each other but this moment is all we have. We don’t dwell on the future so much.

    I have been making a good pro and cons list for this move and trying to research everything i need for a strategic move. I am looking for a career change as i have been in a industry that does not interest me for 10 yrs. Financially Dublin makes sense too. The only reason i am not pulling trigger on this move is the man. I am afraid i am getting too attached and that i am putting my future/happiness in someone else’s hand. Bottom line is, I have options and I am leaning towards one more than the others because I have found a true companion in someone. BTW, this is not my first long distance interest. My last relationship was also a LDR and it got serious really quick and lasted a year and a half. He broke my heart and I am keeping this man at bay because of my past experience. He is a kind man and is really a true friend. He has told me that as long as i am happy, he doesn’t care where i decide to move. He will come down to help me pack if I am happy with my decision. He truly is a great friend and good man.

    Does anyone have any insights on this confusion? has anyone ever faced this? In the spirit of Thanksgiving..I am very grateful for having these options. Happy holidays to all.

    November 28, 2013 at 12:36 pm #45923
    sia
    Participant

    hi sapna.. glad your vacation to ireland made you feel good… about what you wrote above.. i would like to suggest these few words.. i think you should make your decision without involving him in this..what i mean to say is.. if you would go to dublin and enroll for the course even if you did not met him or became friends with him…, then go for it.. do what you would if he did not come into your life at this time.. but please think for one more time if you are considering to go to another country just because you have one familiar person in that place.

    Also,if i may say this.. i also feel like you are yet to let go of few things your previous relationship.. and are yet to move on.. it really hurts when we invest our love and heart in someone and it fails.. it also leaves an empty space inside, which urges and demands to be filled with some other person/ relation/ attachment.. but dear, please know that this happens with everyone, and every time one has a breakup. Best thing to do is to fill it, fill the empty space with love – self love. love yourself more, let yourself know that your love for self has no boundaries.. once you are content, happy, then, invite new relationships into your life.. because then, you will not be scared of whether things would work or not.. till then, take care of yourself with grace, and love..enjoy life, one day at a time..

    If you have all the resources such as finance, safety, facilities to stay in that new place(or any other place), and you think having that degree would add up to your life than your current position in US, do go, get it…. hope this would be of some help, i wish you all the best!!

    p.s: i shall say, both of these are not similar at all.. but,i used to have a crush (big, deep, solid crush..) on a person (he was my senior in college, never once looked at me/ spoke to me in 4 years) and just because of him, i loved that place for everything it is.. five years later, i still have that crush, i still feel butterflies and hear music in the air when i think of him.. and i still love that place, i yearn to go there once before i become old… just because he stays there!! – i just remembered everything when i was reading your words..:)

    • This reply was modified 11 years ago by sia. Reason: paragraph marking,punctuation
    November 29, 2013 at 9:09 am #45943
    Matt
    Participant

    Sapna,

    I’m so happy you had a wonderful experience in Ireland, and can understand the appeal to move there. Sometimes when our surroundings have dulled, such as the career and the romance here, a new horizon can seem refreshing and full of hope and beauty. A few things came to heart as in read your words.

    From what I’ve read of your words before now, the main concern that pulses alongside the hope is becoming attached to that man. As though he holds some key to your joy, some aspect of yourself that eats richly from the energy he has to offer. This is not bad, per say, but it will never compare to the richness of your own heart feeding your spirit. Said differently, it is OK to love, dear sister, and to jump into the unknown based on the inspirations of the heart. But sapna, dear dreamer, keep your eyes open. In the past, you’ve closed them tight, ignored your inner beauty, and surrendered your power and happiness to the other. You’ve come so far from that, please do yourself the honor and hold close to the lessons you’ve learned.

    From there, its only about what you want. Do you want to move to Dublin? Then do it! There is nothing holding you back. Do you want to try to form a deeper relationship with him? Then do it! If it doesn’t work out, it will feel shitty, but you know what that feels like, you’ve been through it before. Just be cautious, realistic about what you do and where you go. Chicago or Dublin, there is Sapna. With him or without him, there is Sapna. Always needing nourishment, needing to care for herself, keeping to Tue ideals she knows, being the light she wishes to see in the world. Don’t surrender that for him or Dublin, and you’ll be fine. It may or may not work out, and if you are prepared for that, to approach it gently, patiently, and continue the self care (even when he cares for you as well) then what do you have to lose? If you fall and attach like before, it’ll hurt like before. Does it feel different? Do you feel more aware? More wise? Is it worth the potential? If yes, why not jump in?

    With warmth,
    Matt

    November 29, 2013 at 4:47 pm #45963
    Sapnap3
    Participant

    Thank you Sia and Matt for great feedback. I agree with what both of you have said in your own way.

    I know that i am still healing and this is such a new experience for me. I have been looking for a change in my life. I am trying to “re parent” myself which mean questioning the values and restrictions, some self learned from childhood and some self imposed. The failure of my last relationship has been a true learning and growing experience for me. I am now seeing that light that is within me. I am now seeing the divine (as Matt put it) energy in me. In Ireland and London, i saw myself as the fun and spontaneous girl that i was when i was little. I met amazing people with amazing life stories. Inspiring ones. People who found themselves heartbroken and lost and in the middle of south america.

    I don’t know why my heart is telling me to move to Dublin but i know that I will always wonder about it if I don’t. I know i have to separate my need for a change and my feeling for this wonderful man. This man who is a good person and a good friend. I am spending this time taking it a moment at a time. this is a real test for me. I live in the past or the future all the time but to hold on to that one moment when i am talking to him, is amazing. I will continue to meditate and work on myself. I will continue to self nurture. Its going to be a long journey…hopefully 🙂

    Thank you again guys. you guys are truly my soul brothers and sisters.

    🙂

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