I am an accountant. I did not choose this career because I like it but rather to meet my visa requirements. Accounting does not suit my personality. I am not attentive to details and careful. In order to perform well the job, I need to put in 100% of my energy and I feel completely flat out at the end of the workday. The nature of the job in my area I specialise in is very stressful. I can’t really handle the boredom and stress of meeting constant deadlines, producing accurate reports, crunching numbers and clearing someone else’s mess.

I worked in my current company for about 10 years. I know it is a very long time and I need to make a move or else my career in accounting will die. My company is small and has no room to move. However, my boss is very nice and treats me well. He gives me the complete autonomy to do my job. I know if I move to another company, I won’t be able to enjoy the freedom I have.

I have started to apply for another job since the beginning of this year. So far, I got three job offers. The last offer I got a few days ago is the best one in term of money and company scale. However, I rejected all the offers that I got. I experienced massive anxiety and fear when thinking about moving to another accounting role. I couldn’t sleep and eat probably  and I ended up finding bad things about the company, the job to refuse it. I feel so lost. I no longer want to stay in my current company but I can’t make myself move to another company.

I understand that I can’t be lazy and expect a good result but I can’t imagine myself working hard for something that I don’t like and has no meaning to me. Lately a sick and crazy thought keeps appearing in my mine that I wish I have a terminal disease so I can have the courage to quit my job and follow what I love. When you are given a short amount of time to live in this world, you don’t have to worry much about making money to buy a house and saving for your retirement. I want to clarify that I don’t think I am depressed or want to end my life. I just feel so frustrated about my current situation, wishing I can find a way out.

I have multiple interests. I love art, architect, helping people, understanding human behaviors, philosophy, cooking. I tried to change to another career but I am not sure what I can do. I don’t have money to go back to school to study and I honestly think a traditional university degree is pretty useless. I am paralyzed by my thoughts and emotion and get stuck in this career dilemma. It is eating my soul away.

I appreciate if anyone can give me any advice about my situation.

Many thanks,

Erin