Hello everyone.

Lately I’ve been very frustrated with my roommates. These are probably pretty typical roommate issues, but they still get on my nerves and I don’t know how to handle it well when I’m home.

One, my roommates are kind of hypocritical and very passive-aggressive. The sink has been completely full of dirty dishes lately, and I finally went and put them all in the dishwasher since no one else was. After it was run, I put all the dishes away. Immediately dirty dishes start piling up in the sink again, even though the dishwasher is empty and dirty.

Now, this doesn’t really bother me that much on its own; I leave my share of dirty dishes in the sink. But one of my roommates (and I know which one it is, by the handwriting) leaves angry notes all the time with things like, “Put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher!” and “Rinse your dishes before you put them in the dishwasher!” and all sorts of really annoying things because I know she leaves her dishes in the sink just as often as everyone else does. It really gets on my nerves to see these notes all around, like she’s so much better than us for trying to keep the apartment clean, and we keep ruining it for her. I’ve left her an angry response once or twice, but I hate the feeling and the environment that creates, and I really want to find a better way to get over my frustration. (It may be just taking the notes down when I see them, but that’s not going to stop her putting them up.)

That first issue is easier to deal with because she’s never home, she’s not living here next year, and I don’t plan on keeping in contact with her once she moves out. The next issue is a little harder for me to deal with, since my other roommate is a friend who I see quite often and is living here next year as well.

My roommate is not at all interested in her ex-boyfriend. She’s made this clear to me many times. But he offers to help her with homework, and so she invites him into her bedroom and closes the door. They work on homework until late into the night, and then he leaves. This wouldn’t bother me, except she complains about how he’s “not getting her hints” that she’s not interested. He was hanging around late one night, and she kept saying, “Well, I’m done with homework, I’m going to bed,” numerous times, and he wasn’t leaving (he’s spent the night before and was probably thinking that was his invitation). So she quoted a song to try and get him to leave.

What she needs to do is just straight out tell him to leave. He’s getting the “hint” that she’s interested by continually letting him into her private space and make it even more private by closing the door and having him stay over late. And she still doesn’t understand why he doesn’t get her other “hints” that she’s not interested.

It just frustrates me so much to see her be so wishy-washy and not stand up for herself even though she knows what she wants. She’s devoted to her family in a way that I think is a little too far – she’ll back out of her own dreams because they’re not quite what her parents dreamed up for her. It’s just incredibly frustrating to see her try to please so many different people and not do what she really wants.

Basically, I have a roommate who is hypocritical and passive-aggressive, and a roommate who tries to please everyone and won’t stand up for herself. They both frustrate me to no end, and I don’t know how to let go of the negative feelings they both stir in me. I’m not getting away from either of them any time soon, and one of them I’m living with another year, so I need to learn how to deal with them, short of never coming back to the apartment or losing my temper at them.

If you’ve read this far, thank you! Any advice you might have would be well appreciated… thanks so much.