I did something the other day that changed the course of a relationship that was growing back into something meaningful. I violated my boyfriend’s teen daughter’s privacy. She’s been sneaking out at night to see a boy. She is very young, and I know she’s been lying about it. Her grades are suffering terribly, her attitude has changed, and she is losing friends. It’s a downward spiral that I hate to see. When she spoke with her boyfriend on my phone the other day, I had forgotten I had a call recorder on my phone for dealings with my ex regarding custody issues. When I realized it was there, (I clean out the call recordings weekly), I listened to hers. It was worse than I thought. I brought this information to my boyfriend just 3 hrs after telling him about a conversation she and I had about her feeling like I was her mother, and that she wanted us all to live together (he and I are by no means ready for that, and I voiced it to him in a way that explained what was happening, that it was a lot of pressure, but I just wanted to be open with him, as she tends to go after the things that she wants with ferocity.) Ever since that day nothing has been the same. We went from a good place in our relationship to him feeling guarded & barely speaking to me.

I’ve been dating a man off and on for a year and a half now. As of right now we are exclusive again, and most of the time he pursues me (I learned the hard way to back completely off and let him come to me). My biggest challenge with him is that he does not communicate well. Even when I pull away… Unless I’m absolutely walking away, the only way I can usually get him to open up and talk is through text. But if I have a problem, no matter how ridiculous the question may seem, he is wonderful about calmly and thoroughly explaining the situation in a way that I can understand. Just not in person. Wow. We are both single parents, so our time together is already very limited. He’s very inconsistent in his interactions with me… And I am not the only one. Apparently he has been like this with his teen daughter as well over the past couple of years. Much has changed in his life in the past 2 years, and he’s become more of a homebody, does not spend much time doing the things he loves, and though he states that he wants the kind of love they write songs about, he does not appear to want to have to actually work for that kind of love. I’m not sure at this point whether I should stay or go. This man has paid me the greatest compliments of my life, but skips the simple ones. He is caring and attentive, but guarded. And he has told me in the past that though he feels that a woman like me is a gift and he knows my value, that he never fell in love with me. I want to be in a relationship with more communication and closeness. I want to feel that the man I am with has a genuine love for me. Since our last breakup, I was very calm and honest in stating the things that I want in a relationship. As a result, he has been much more attentive and sensitive to my feelings, much more honest and open… But it’s just still not there. I’m starting to lose my feeling of attraction to this man. I’ve backed away so much already. While opening up to my own feelings and working on myself. I just don’t know how much farther I can go. If a man has already decided that he cares about a woman but is not in love with her… If he has decided for himself that we have no future together (though he still enjoys time with me and pursues me), is there a way this might turn around in the future? The times that he does open up and let his guard down, our relationship and temperaments are such a close fit to the relationship I want. The inconsistency more than anything is what makes me question moving forward. It is difficult and frustrating for me. I know this is very little information, but is continuing to see a man that cannot consistently deliver really worth it??
I should also note… He has recently progressed our relationship forward again. He started referring to me as his girlfriend, is exclusive with me, and talks about me everywhere he goes. If he sees something I would like in a shop, he brings me back, to the immediate greeting of a sales clerk shaking my hand, so glad to meet the girlfriend he has said such nice things about. All I can do is shake my head, laugh, appreciate it, and wonder why it is that I have so many greatly mixed signals from this man.