Dear Meghan:

I, for one, hope you don’t tell your children one day that they can do anything they want. I never liked that statement because it is untrue. I heard it plenty of times and it is one of the many untruths people say. It is a motivation statement, aimed at motivating the child, the adult, and it can work here and there, in certain circumstances to motivate, but not on the long run.

When you were a child you dreamed about becoming a movie star. (So did I). Now, let’s say someone told you: “You can be a movie star! You can do and be anything you want!” Then, as you grow up, you find out it is not easy to be a movie star, and you remember the statement that you CAN be a movie star. This only aggravates your struggles: if it is possible for you, why aren’t you a movie star, you may ask yourself. This makes you more fearful, weaker in face of challenges.

Better than say that statement is to encourage a child/ adult in realistic ways. So when the child is scared to go to a party, let’s say, and meet new people there, the parent/ a friend can say: you can do it. You can go to that party. This way the person is encouraged to do a … statistically doable thing.

And so, you may have lost your purpose because it was aimed at the statistically (almost) undoable goal of being a movie star. Very small statistical chance. Aim at statistically more likely-to-be-achieved goals, more likely than being a movie star or the author of a best seller novel.

Here is an unconventional advice: think small. Your sight will grow if you start small. If you keep your sight big, you will continue to feel paralyzed as the gap between the sight and reality is too great to bridge.

What do you think?

anita

Dear Meghan:

You are welcome. So are you going to limit your aspiration or goals to smaller, more doable things?

anita

I agree on the comment about “you can be anything you want to be.” Simple fact of life: you can’t. Some people say that’s a negative and pessimistic statement. It’s not. Shaq couldn’t be a jockey no matter how much he was told he could be anything; conversely, a jockey couldn’t be a starting NBA center.