Dear anita and Rose of Yellow,

Thank you for your answers.

I’ve been using some dating apps for a few years. I would delete the apps and eventually download them again a few months later. I actually had some dates but there was always something wrong. I think that the nature of dating apps itself has something to do with that. For instance, I have a male friend who had many one night stands and he used a dating app once. He said to me that he didn’t like it, that it didn’t work for him, that he didn’t get matches and dates. It’s all about looks ! A good looking guy can be unsuccessful with those apps just because he does not have pictures of him that put him in the spotlight or draw some attention.

Plus, some dates can be very awkward when you realize that you don’t like the other person because of something that you could not know on an app (tone of the voice, gestures, the way her face moves when she speaks…).

So I’d rather try and meet girls when I’m with a group. This is something that I never really had the chance to try so I’m up to it.

By the way, I moved today to my flat. I have to say that it’s a strange feeling. It’s a mix of fear and excitement. I hope I won’t feel too lonely.

Daniel

Dear anita,

I’ve been thinking about seeing a psychologist who practices hypnosis. A year or two ago, I met someone like that and it was a strange experience. I was definitely hypnotized. And I remember feeling very good for the rest of the evening. I felt confident and strong. It was amazing! But somehow, I remember feeling uneasy being hyponotized because I could feel that I was giving control the psychologist some control over me. Like letting go of controling things.

I might try to see this psychologist again. Hypnosis may be what I need. And in the process, I may learn to let go of some things in my life.

Concerning my flat, I have to admit that I am a bit disappointed. My neighbours often make too much noise and it can be hard to focus on studying. Unfortunately, libraries are still closed because of the virus so I have to study at my place. I felt lonely the first two days but the feeling got away. I don’t feel at ease in this new place. I want to give it a try for a few more weeks. And if I don’t like it, I can always come back to my parents’ home. This is not really a flat, it’s a room. So I have to go outside my room to take a shower or to go to the toilet. Living in Paris is very expensive and with what I earn and my parents’ help, that’s all I can get. I don’t want to complain because I can always choose to come back to my parents (which is not as bad as I thought haha). It’s actually a very interesting experience whether it will last or not. I realize that I can manage being alone pretty well !

Concerning my love life, I want to stop having a spot in my mind that always think about being in a relationship. I know it can ruin some potential frienships with girls (like with D). And I feel this way to think is rather unsane and energy costing. I want to focus on the two things I love the most (besides people) : my studies and music !

By the way, I’ve started to listen to more joyful songs and it really helps lifting up my mood !

Daniel

Dear anita,

I hope everything’s alright for you.

You’re right, I sound and feel in a better mood than before. I think I’ve been longing for more independance during those years living with my parents. A girl I work with even told me that she feels that I have more confidence. Still, I think I’m soon going back to my parents. I miss living with them, I miss the food, the feeling of Home. And this time, I would choose to live with them rather than enduring it. But I can say that this has been a good experience overall. I realize the perks of living with my parents. I know that even if I live on my own, it doesn’t increase my loneliness or sadness. I’m not 100% sure about going back home though. I know this is a big decision. I’m afraid to make the wrong choice.

Concerning my feelings, I’d really like to meet new people. But don’t really know how. The concept of romantic love seems to make no sense to me sometimes. And I wonder if it really exists.

Daniel

Dear anita,

I understand your point. And you may be right.

There is something else that comes in consideration though. I’m starting my 5th year in medecine and I know that this is a very important year (as well as the 6th) because I’m studying for my final exam at the end of the 6th year. Depending on my performance on this exam, I will be able to choose what medical specialty I want and where in France I will practise (which means that I may move to another city in two years). I wonder if this is the best time for me to try living on my own. I fear losing too much time with chores, cooking, going to the supermarket…. But if I come back home, I’m afraid to stop gaining the confidence I’m gaining now from this new experience. I am a bit lost actually.

Daniel

Dear anita,

I’ve made up my mind.

There is another way to think about this. I told myself that wherever I choose to live, I have to accept the place I live. One month ago when I was still living with my parents, I was feeling stuck. For several years, I had this feeling because I didn’t fully accept to live there and I was focusing on all the downsides of it. I thought that I had to move to Paris to change my life, my point of view and that everything will be alright. I wasn’t totally wrong. I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that changing my environment would help me in my depression. And I believe it can. If someone lives in an unpleasant and unhealthy environment, it’s understandable that it won’t help in getting better. And it’s still true that home can be unhealthy for me sometimes. But I also realized how valuable it is to live at home with my family. I can see the perks of living at home and I feel ready to embrace living there. I plan on helping more my mom for the chores and I want to learn some meals she cooks. So when I will have to live on my own in two years from now, moving out will feel smoother for me. Overall, I feel confident for the future.

Daniel