Dear Iris:

I am sorry that you are feeling badly and “going round and round over-analysing this situation“- maybe an objective perspective will help make things clearer,  and with clarity, you may feel better!

You shared that you are in your mid-30s, “permanently single, don’t have a great job and have a health condition that prevents me from having kids even thought I would have loved to“. You’ve been friends with A since you were 8. At 16, you moved to a different school, met friends B, C and D, and introduced them to A. When A married and became a mother, she and B, also a married and a mother, got closer to each other, something that you encouraged. But in the last year, they got even closer and you feel excluded.

“When I told friend A that I felt hurt by the situation, she said she was going to be friends with whoever she wanted and if I had a problem with that I should talk to my therapist because it wasn’t her problem“- if A responded this way to the first or second time that you told her that you were hurt by her closeness with B, then my goodness, how rude! Her response sounds fitting a situation where you repeatedly complained to her about her closeness with B, A tried to explain the situation to you, to comfort you and include you, but you kept complaining..  so exacerbated, A said what she said.

Is the case the former or the latter?

anita

Dear Iris,

What do you mean by when you said you are “permanently single”?

Friends do grow apart.  I  had that happen to me also.   People that are married and have kids tend to stick together.   Join a singles group,  make new friends who will value your friendship, but keep your circle small.    Your friends were never your true friends if they hurt you that way.   True friends would never do that no matter if you are single or not!

You are young in your thirties.  Move on from those people.   It will get better!   Best of luck!