Dear BB:

Without making any arrangement to see her, let her know that her behavior, and be specific about the nature of her behavior (outlined here, in your original post), has been making you miserable and you don’t want to be exposed to any more of it. Then let her talk. If she doesn’t talk: if she ignores what you just told her, or blames you in any way for feeling what you do and for sharing it with her, do not make any arrangements to see her.

Once you share with her what I am suggesting that you do, it is her job to consider a change in the specific behavior and tell you that she intends to do so. If she doesn’t express something promising to that effect, let her go, is my advice.

anita

Dear Bakedbean:

What is your fear about, the fear ofletting her go?

And, by the way, just because you were diagnosed with BPD does not make relationships ALL your responsibility. Your responsibility for the success or failure of a relationship is still 50%. There are plenty of non- BPD diagnosed people in the world who are rude, disrespectful and even abusive, and so, BPD or not, you still have to disengage from such.

anita

Dear BB:

Her behavior is her failure, not yours. You are responsible only to your participation in every interaction. She is responsible for hers. Your diagnosis doesn’t change this fact. I bet she could fit a diagnosis of some kind (there are so many)- if she visits a psychiatrist.

Maybe, if you explain to her what you explained here, maybe she will correct her behavior and the two of you can be friends. Communicate with her honestly, before committing to another outing, if possible.

anita