friends needed.... - Tiny Buddha

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This topic has 10 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 years ago by shannon.

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August 25, 2013 at 9:04 pm #41159

Sapnap3
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Many days of soul searching and spending time with myself has been very helpful for me in this journey of getting to know myself. A few questions keep coming to me when I am having real tough time with myself. First, how does anyone reprograms their brain with no support system? By reprogramming i mean, all my life i have believed that a man will “rescue” me from the loneliness that has been with me since childhood. Most of the time i still think that. Hence the reprogramming.

I mean I have a therapist. I am on TB most of my time reading blogs and posts. What I am seeing is that for most of my life I have cultivated friendships that only go so deep. Many of my friends and family just don’t understand when I say things like I have to learn to be by myself, to love myself. I have never had any emotional support from my family but I see that being myself is also making my friends uncomfortable too. They are OK when I am laughing, partying, talking about dates, talking about work, talking about home, shopping, eating, etc but the minute I get to emotional talk, the plans are cut short, future plans are suddenly canceled. I know people have their own demons but I know I would listen to them if they were going through something.

I see the pattern in my life very clearly now. I have always been lonely. Left alone for being “strange”. I have never been OK with it. With meditation, i am getting better at being alone but when i go out for a stroll or go to a street fest alone, i feel like a leper. People are in a couple or a group or with their dogs but other than the homeless man and me, no one is alone. I am trying to look up groups I can join to meet new people. Even joined a charity young professionals group but felt like an outsider as many folks their were in their mid 20s looking for hook ups more than friends. Where can I find friends? Were can I find people who would actually listen other than the ones I pay to listen to me? I have been talking to myself. I have been sweet and nurturing to myself but the child and adult in me needs a loving shoulder to cry on and a hug.

August 25, 2013 at 9:55 pm #41163

Matt
Participant

Sapna,

Many people don’t go deep, and want surface level friends. Now you’re beginning to see just how rare and precious of a jewel you are. Just keep going, you’ll find peers. As you settle your “need” for others, the inner light begins to shine and people will start appearing in the oddest ways. Said differently, as you follow your heart, you’ll find your answers. Right now you’re just learning about yourself, and finding your heartsong. Be thankful that you escaped the flock. 🙂 Leper, lol! More like lion.

Be patient, you’re getting stronger. The loneliness fades.

With warmth,
Matt

August 26, 2013 at 7:35 am #41175

Jade
Participant

I can totally relate, Sapna, to friends that flee once things get tough. I also went through a point where my “friends” would love to be around me when I was happy and having a good time, but avoided me when I wasn’t being cheerful or if I had deep/serious/sad things on my mind. Those friends are not part of my support circle anymore.

I too have always felt too “strange” or “weird”, that despite the fact that I am 80% cheerful that there are dark waters inside me that most people are unwilling to touch. My closest friends now are the ones who are not afraid of emotions and sadness because they have true empathy and can relate to the pain and uncertainty I feel. It does get lonely because friends like that are hard to find, and also because I’ve got a tendency to bottle my serious emotions up inside me.

One of my best friends wasn’t always my best friend, she was just an acquaintance until a few years ago. Then she went through a traumatic experience and all our mutual friends dropped out on her, it was appalling. And I thought “I don’t want her to go through what I went through, I know what it’s like to feel rejected in a time of need” so I reached out and gave her a shoulder to cry on and our relationship has been completely honest and real ever since.

Keep being true to yourself, and repay to others the kindness you would want for yourself, and true friendship will follow. 🙂

August 26, 2013 at 5:29 pm #41218

Sapnap3
Participant

Thank you for your kind words. Like always, you are the brother I never had.
Jade thank you so much for sharing your experience. Its so comforting to know that there are people out there just like me. Being weird is very isolating.
I cry so much going through this journey. Sometimes I wonder if its normal to cry so much. I have been crying everyday for the past two months. It feels like this pain will never end. This is why I keep looking for a shoulder to cry on.
In my everyday life I cant seem to find anyone to reach out to to relate thats why I keep logging on to TB to hear people talk about their difficulties. Its good to know that I am not the only one with problems. My friends act like nothing is ever wrong in their life. My ex thought I was too emotional and crazy cause he couldnt understand why I would get sad. I am just looking for myself. Digging deep, I am coming across wounds that never healed. I hopr to heal …the dark circles around my eyes are not helping the self esteem problem 🙂

September 7, 2013 at 2:42 pm #41854

Jas
Participant

Hi Sapana,

I can relate to your feelings.I too feel all alone.It’s like I have no one that cares for me,or is there for me to lend a shoulder to cry on.If you need to talk,or share your feelings,send me a message,I’ll be there to help you through these tough times. I can be your support system.Hope this helps.

Jas

September 7, 2013 at 5:08 pm #41856

Sapnap3
Participant

Thanks Jas.
U can reach me as well. My email address is sapna84@hotmail.com

September 8, 2013 at 12:35 am #41864

Ashwin
Participant

Hi Sapna,

It’s really weird with the definition of friends. I feel the definition is bit superficial. Many people we know , are better off as acquaintances.I have never had many “friends” per se, but I have a couple of folks in my life, who have woken me up at 3 in the morning, cried till early morning and been there with me when I needed them too. There are days when I am not in contact with them, but the next time you meet these guys, you know and you feel that nothing has changed. And I’m happy to have found these people. And I’m sure you will, too. I can understand what you have gone through, and I can be of some help, I hope. I can be the voice who can listen.

Thanks,
Ashwin

October 24, 2013 at 12:00 am #44274

sakura77
Participant

I can completely relate to your post, Sapnap3. Although I have people that I go out with occasionally for lunch or dinner who I consider to be “friends,” I don’t consider them to be a regular support system and don’t always hang out with them or see them regularly. Often I feel that it’s hard to find true friends in this world–people who understand and accept you and who will listen to you and be there for you. My definition of friendship is that it’s also a mutual give-and-take, not just a one-sided thing. It seems that it’s a lot easier to make friends based on superficial reasons and much harder to meet people who you can genuinely talk to. Sometimes you have to do the activities you want to do by yourself. I’m going through this same problem myself right now and not quite sure how to solve it…I would like to meet more people who are like-minded that I can connect with, but don’t know where or how. If you feel like writing to me or sharing more of your thoughts, feel free, let me know. I’ve definitely been there.

November 1, 2013 at 8:22 am #44719

Rideeta
Participant

Hello Sapna,

Don’t cry, please. I had these problems you are having now. Just hold on. You have people who really do care about you! Your friends here on this site do care about you. We’ll always listen to you, pray for you. But this is all we can do. You have to try to be happy. Sleep, exercise, meditate, work whatever you do, don’t cry. Have a little faith in the great creator. He will always protect you.
Smile. I bet you look really pretty when you smile!

Rideeta.

November 1, 2013 at 6:02 pm #44757

Sapnap3
Participant

Thank you for the replies.
If anyone on this forum ever needs a friend to talk to please dont hesitate to contact me at sapna84 at hotmail.
Rideeta,
I still get sad but I dont cry too much about it. Its getting easier. More I get to know myself, the more I smile. Its going to be a life long journey of discovery. I have attracted some good people in my life recently. I still dont like to go out so much but when I do..I am having a blast. I laugh out loud everyday. I still cry on a regular basis because of different demons but I laugh a lot too.
Thank you for the wonderful wish. I love everyone on this site cause all of you are beautiful. Very grateful to have found this place and for life.
🙂

November 5, 2013 at 3:23 pm #44879
shannon
Participant
I’m really sorry to hear about where you are. I’ve been there…

I don’t want to seem a b*tch but, sometimes (and I’m sure this isn’t you) there are people who bombard their friends, one of my friends ‘Jade’ cannot have one conversation where she tells me about self-harming, and I really do care, I do, but if I’m in a bad mood it doesn’t matter to her, if I’m upset I avoid going on facebook, because she will be there making me feel worse. Believe me I would do anything to help her, I know she deals with a lot, but past the poliet ‘how are you?’ we only discuss her.

I just think we all need to be there for everyone, we can’t all lean on one person and wonder why they break.
- This reply was modified 11 years ago by shannon.
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