Brian,

When our loved ones go through loss, it has the potential to bring with it infinite patience. We see their need, and sometimes don’t know how to help, what to do, but are willing to do it, whatever it is. Our heart just blossoms outward, and our arms are ready to comfort and hold them for as long as they need. That patient space is the best thing you can bring, dear brother. Consider that if she is suicidal, then suicide is a very pertinent topic to research. However, this sounds more about grief (assuming that’s where she is at)… which is healed through sharing space and time. Said differently, its not so much about what suicide means or what is said about it, rather its about what that loss is like for her.

When I’ve shared light and space with a grieving friend, it usually takes on the shape of asking questions about what they just said. When we grieve, our emotions come out in chunks because we’re overwhelmed. “I feel down.” “Oh, what does that feel like?” We don’t have to steer, just sit with them, invite them to share until they’re bored and want to go get some burritos or whatnot. Encouraging, but letting them process in their own time, as they can and wish it.

Also, it often helps us and them when we sit and see their sorrow as a process, a tunnel with light at the end. We don’t have to offer them platitudes “you’ll be OK”, rather we know they will be OK, and so there is no cause to push them to heal faster, process better or whatnot. We can just plop down in the mud with them and look around. “So what’s here?” The connection, the kinship, brings healing with it automatically.

With warmth,
Matt