Dear ccn:

Reads to me that your ex did not suffer a sexual assault. He touched her, she signaled, he either didn’t understand her signaling (possibly, it wasn’t clear) or ignored it. She then stopped him (stronger than signaling) and he stopped.

Clearly, you are not the person to provide her with relationship counseling. If she needs such, she should receive it from someone else. You are not an objective party and therefore, it is not fair to you and your efforts to help her will not be effective.

Professional psychotherapists cannot have their partners or family members as clients because they are too subjective. Similar principle here: you are too subjective to help her with her relationship problems and concerns.

If there was a sexual assault, maybe you could advise her to seek legal help, but there hasn’t been a sexual assault.

Also to consider: possible manipulation by her, trying to keep you and him in her life as warring competitors, trying to side you against him, trying to appear as his victim who needs your help in her distress.

anita

Hi ccn, I was just reading your question and the first thing that jumped to my mind was that since she was not getting much of the response she was desiring from you when she was telling you she missed you and your passion, etc., she then turned to something she knew would stir up intense emotions and feelings for you. I could be wrong, you know her better of course. But, it sounds to me that she knew that would upset you, I mean who woulnd’t it upset, and then your attention would be focused less on yourself and more on protecting her. To me, this does not sound like a sexual assault or anything you should be too worried about, it sounds more like attention seeking behavior on her part. Keep working on yourself and stay strong. If this is a person you honestly miss and want back into your life after time apart, and time to process everything, and you both agree (AND she has left the relationship she is on on her terms), then talk at that point. But, you need to continue with the healthy boundries that you have set thus far. Don’t wonder why he chose someone like that, there is way more to this story than what she is laying out there for you. I’m honestly not even sure why you would share intimate details like that with an ex partner knowing how that could really upset them. She needs to get some help too, for reaching out in an attention seeking way over something that is very serious and very harmful to you and her (sexual assault/abuse). You’re a great person for wanting to help, and you can tell her she needs to make good chocies in her life, and that what she said worried you because it does’t seem same, and maybe point her in the direction of appropriate help. Keep is casual and light as you have been, but don’t get too emotionally invested of tied into her words or feeling scared or bad for her. You’re doing great. Hugs.