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  • #148109
    greenshade
    Participant

    Hi Amy love!

    “Many of these women blow me away with their empathy, wisdom, patience and smarts.” Why don’t you try and get to know some of the women you work with in a personal capacity? The two people I am closest to now are in a different age group from me, but our interests, world views and conversational interests match, so it works!

    M

    #148113
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Amy love:

    The “The behind the back talking” in Primary School is the same as the “self righteous gossiping about acquaintances or friends that aren’t present” that you are currently experiencing presently.

    The “competitive attention grabbing” you described in Primary School is the same as the “grabbing for the conversational spot light. Talking about themselves (not in a deep or honest way) more of a ‘look everyone I’m doing so well at life kind of way'” you described in your current experience, with the women you socialize.

    There is truth to this general behavior on the part of girls/ women in comparison to the “easy going energy, they always said what they meant, no games, point blank honesty” being the general behavior of boys/men. Girls are not born that way: it is a matter of gender/ social roles. Historically, women had way less power than men, so they developed, I believe, underhanded, indirect ways of obtaining power in relationships.

    I wonder: when you were bullied by girls in your school years: how did your father help you? How did your mother help you during those years?

    anita

     

    #148211
    Hana L
    Participant

    Dear Amy Love,

    Read your situation like my own – I probably have a few female friends which I can talk about things (to a certain extent), had no problems hanging out with male friends.

    Looking at your own personal situation – it looks like you’re doing well, save for the close female friendship part, and I do feel you.

    My primary school experience was similar to yours, and there was a bit of a bullying episode where I think I became more introverted but I think it turned out better for me because I started to develop a better sense of knowing the other party’s personality (i.e. I could start telling when a person was just all talk and no action). I’m sorry to hear you’ve also had a tricky high school experience – I had rumours of my male friends and I going out together, but I never bothered about them (laughed when I heard the silly stories) and those rumours died down anyway.

    Looking at your situation with the group of girlfriends, it’s no wonder you feel exhausted after all those events – you want an authentic connection, and perhaps more meaningful conversations about how to resolve problems, or topics of self improvement. I think you have a more mature mind compared to your peers, hence you feel disheartened when their topics of conversation are not “in the frequency of your personality”.

    You can’t seem to let your guard down, and I think it’s your intuition telling you that based on the topics of conversation you’ve heard from those girls, if you’ve shared something personal to them it’s likely they may gossip about it and it spreads. I’ve been in those situations, and I’ve shared the bare minimum of myself which worked well for me.

    Like Greenshade has mentioned, you may connect better with women of a different age group because of your matching personalities and string of thoughts. The conversations I’ve really enjoyed with female friends were those in their 40s-60s (I’m 28 this year).

    Please don’t feel disheartened, you’re not alone. For myself personally I’d rather hang out with some boys with sensible personalities than some girls who thrive by drama.

    Hana

     

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