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Former lover makes a Return

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  • This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 8 years ago by Anonymous.
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  • April 21, 2017 at 1:42 pm #146231
    Craig
    Participant

    Shanethea,

    From my vantage point, I see two things: 1. You have chemistry with him, attraction, desire. 2. He has faded into and out of your life multiple times.

    I doubt you can have just #1 with him. Would you be happy and content having #1 AND #2?

    I don’t see anything indicating you will ever be able to rely on him. It’s totally up to you if that’s acceptable.

    April 21, 2017 at 7:18 pm #146255
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear SHANETHEA:

    I get the feel, from your share, that when you get anxious you quickly go numb, feeling indifferent (Regarding recent boyfriend: “I sort of feel indifferent to the whole ordeal”; regarding Mr. Z: “I was less interested and not as invested as before, so it made it very easy to turn him down…”)

    I am thinking that the recent break up distressed you more than you think it did, that you felt anxiety which you numbed, automatically. It is that numbed (but existing) anxiety, I believe, that led you to renew your interest in Mr. Z, so to not be alone, because, like you suggested, you do not want to focus on yourself, that is, you don’t want to feel the anxiety that is there.

    What do you think?

    anita

    April 24, 2017 at 6:51 am #146421
    Kyo5
    Participant

    Shanethea,

    I’ll have to agree with Anita on this, it seems like you may be distracting yourself with Mr Z. If you feel this is a time where you need to focus on yourself, then do it. Especially if this is a pattern which has occurred after previous break-ups.

    Mr Z reminds me of someone my friend dated, they planned a European trip after an intense month or two together, only to be incredibly let down soon after by him. His unreliability/aloofness earlier in the relationship, proved to be the undoing of the budding relationship.  Just because someone “is very mature and knew what he wanted and how to get it” – doesn’t always equate to the required level of emotional maturity for a long term relationship.

    Keep your mind clear from distractions. Keep it all about you at least for a few more months. Walk your whippet up the hills of montpellier if it you have to (its a silly saying – but i like it).

    Kyo

    April 24, 2017 at 1:26 pm #146543
    SHANETHEA
    Participant

    Thank you all for your words of wisdom.

    I believe that I am running away from myself and have decided not to try to hinder my growth anymore. I am still talking to Mr. Z but I do not feel the neediness I once had with him. I’m older and wiser to know what I need to do and the best thing ultimately is to just focus on myself.

     

     

    April 24, 2017 at 7:24 pm #146587
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, SHANETHEA. Post anytime.

    anita

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