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For those who broke up recently, some tips for you

HomeForumsRelationshipsFor those who broke up recently, some tips for you

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Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 77 total)
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  • #103078
    Brav3
    Participant

    I say this to myself when I am in rage, wants to get even with her, how about ‘Let go, these emotions will fade away, just let go’

    #103083
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brav3:

    What a struggle. I hear you. Do you think it can be helpful to you to read the last thread, the process of thinking, and this thread, your original post. When we arrive at the right thinking, we often forget what it was when we feel distressed, overcome with loneliness, playing memories in our brains that stir up emotions. And those emotions cloud our thinking.

    When that happens take deep breaths and re read some old posts, the progression of them, of your own thinking in the last and current thread…?

    anita

    #103087
    Brav3
    Participant

    Yes Anita,

    Because she still continues to exist in my life, its just keep triggering. Some days are bad, like today. I am tired with emotions, tired to be this way.

    I do go back and re read articles or previous posts, listen to something soothing. We also often forget what thinking clear was like, when we are feeling pain, hurt and other gazillion emotions.

    How are you going with your healing?

    #103088
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brav3:

    My healing? Well, I posted today on my thread The Healing Path. Are you referring to it here? If you are, well, I am anxious once in a while every single day but my goodness, I am so .. reasonable even though I am anxious. I am becoming more and more mindful, paying attention to my thoughts and feelings and detect what brings on the tension. It is way easier now, after all my work, and yet there is much more work, much more to see, much more to know.

    When I get distressed I focus on what I can learn, I get curious. I want to find out more of what is going on.

    Post again, and now my bed time. Please do take good care of yourself.

    anita

    #103091
    Brav3
    Participant

    That’s great Anita. I will read more about it in your thread.

    #103093
    Brav3
    Participant

    It’s been a very emotional day, woke up with tears and going back to bed with tears. There’s so much grief and sadness.

    #103110
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brav3:

    If it helps, put more of your grief and sadness into words. How does it feel? Where does it feel? Tears is one way it expresses itself, this grief and sadness. What else? Is there heaviness in your chest? Loss of appetite… pay attention to the physical sensations of this grief and once you sense this or that, stay with it and notice: does it get stronger? Weaker? Does it change?

    anita

    #103227
    Brav3
    Participant

    I feel heartache, heaviness in chest. It’s like a dull ache which gets sharp sometimes.

    Sadness comes from broken dream and feeling of there is something flawed with me. Thoughts like” I was meant to to have a long time partner by now & there must be something wrong with me & that’s why I am alone”. I did everything I could and still she chose not to be with me. Now, here I am trying to accept, whereas she is going on holidays and possibly seeing someone now.

    Sometimes I feel so disempowered. I wish I have never met her, my value in her life was so little.

    #103242
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Avery:

    It is a good thing that you identified the thoughts that accompany your sensations of heaviness in the chest and heartache.

    If we examine your thought, that there is something flawed with you, that thought in itself is not about her. It was probably there before you met her nut now it is more persistent, as if she proved that thought to be true.

    Another thought, that you are supposed to have had a partner at your age, this thought as well can be examined. It has to do with social convention, that you are supposed to do this or be that by this or that age. This thought as well has nothing to do with her and the ending of the relationship.

    So two thoughts that are independent of the terminated relationship are causing you emotional/ physical pain. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the practice is to examine thoughts for accuracy, in a scientific kind of way, like in a court room, speaking like a lawyer for and against the truthfulness of the thought (defense and prosecution) and eventually judging the thought as accurate or not and coming up with an adjusted, clarified and changed, if needs be, true thought.

    Would you like to challenge these two thoughts the CBT way?

    anita

    #103264
    Brav3
    Participant

    Yes, Anita. Please tell me how do I challenge these two thoughts.

    #103300
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brav3:

    Step 1: Pick up one of the thoughts you want to work on first, and state that thought, that belief, in a clear, simple, way, one sentence.

    anita

    #103319
    Brav3
    Participant

    Ok. Thought is that I am not good enough. How do I proceed?

    #103334
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Brav3:

    I am not good enough.

    Evidence in support of the thought (defense of thought):

    1.
    2.
    3.
    .
    .
    .

    Evidence against the thought (prosecution):

    1.
    2.
    3.
    .
    .
    .

    As a defense attorney, defending your thoughts, do your very best to support the thought, give the thought the best defense it can get. Hold back nothing.

    As a prosecutor attorney, give evidence against the thought and give this job all you have, hold back nothing.

    Will be back in about 10 hours to read your exercise.

    anita

    #103351
    Melissa
    Participant

    Thanks for the advice, I struggle and it’s been almost year. Sometimes it feels like a trickling pain, little things happen all through the year to remind me of our connection. But he is gone and not the same person at all. He isn’t going to come back or apologise for hurting me. I have to let it go.

    #103394
    mouse
    Participant

    love this post…I am going through this right now with my first real painful breakup. I love him to pieces but I was unhappy and didn’t love myself properly. These tips are just what I needed.

Viewing 15 posts - 31 through 45 (of 77 total)

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