Home→Forums→Relationships→For those who broke up recently, some tips for you
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Anonymous.
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April 27, 2016 at 5:49 pm #102968
AnonymousInactiveAnd just to show some empathy, Brav, i’m sort of here on a rollercoaster right now. But just to see how much I’ve overcome. Believe me, I thought I had hit rock bottom and would never come back.
April 27, 2016 at 5:59 pm #102969
Brav3ParticipantCath
I guess, I should look at the way you are seeing your journey.This break up is teaching me self love, how to be alone and to deal with difficult emotions. To some extent she did manipulated me and my family as well. I had this revelation when I was talking to my counselor few weeks ago, which made me more angry. But then I decided to let go and I feel sometimes anger for her but not always. Sometimes I am calm and enjoying the peace of being alone. Sometimes I am lost in emotions. Will I ever fully not identify myself with my emotions/feelings/mind and be free, I do not know.
April 27, 2016 at 6:01 pm #102970AnonymousInactiveJust remind yourself that you are not your emotions. I do that to myself all the time whenever I see myself lost in them and it helps, seriously. Use it as a mantra.
April 27, 2016 at 6:05 pm #102972Brav3ParticipantI do that to. I say usually say ” I am not my emotions, I am not my feelings and I am not my mind”. It doesn’t work for me. But then when the wave is gone and I feel a bit calm, I see that clearly, that I am not feeling the same way as I was before.
April 27, 2016 at 6:05 pm #102973AnonymousInactiveAlso, this makes sense for both of us:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201406/the-7-stages-grieving-breakup“Following are some of the stages you can anticipate going through—they often occur all at once, or in varying orders at varying times during the process of letting go”
Sometimes I still feel denial.
April 27, 2016 at 6:10 pm #102974Brav3ParticipantI read that article before 🙂
Yep, I feel sometimes shock that how could someone change so fast. I guess there are no clear answers and we all have to walk through our journey. I have decided to stay alone for some time. But then I am worried as well that when I will see her with someone else, that is going to be painful.
April 27, 2016 at 7:27 pm #102978AnonymousInactiveWell, I only cut contact with my ex when I found out he was seeing his ex again (while still on-and-off with me). :/ I can’t even think about because it spirals down. But no- answers we will never find. And I’ve asked him PLENTY of questions. Tried to drag out all of the answers from him but nothing came out of it. So we have just to accept and that’s it- honestly there things that have no answers indeed.
Good thing talking to you is that… I’m definitely not alone. 🙂 Let’s hang in there and we’re gonna make it through!April 27, 2016 at 7:39 pm #102980Brav3ParticipantYes, Cath. Lets hang it there and be with what is !
April 28, 2016 at 6:25 pm #103069AnonymousInactiveHow are you today, Brav?
April 28, 2016 at 6:54 pm #103071Brav3ParticipantI am not good today, Cath. I am having thoughts of confronting her and asking her How can she changed into a heartless person? Sometimes I feel like I want to smash her car or do something really bad. I regret the day I met her. I am angry, really angry !
April 28, 2016 at 6:59 pm #103072AnonymousInactiveNot in a good day either. But it’s pointless to confront you know? Perhaps she’s just heartless indeed and there’s nothing you can do about it, unfortunately. we keep expecting that we person will change and we have illusions that they are what they are not.
Don’t regret aything. I know how it feels. Sometimes I feel that as well. But she came to your life to teach you lessons 🙂April 28, 2016 at 7:03 pm #103073Brav3ParticipantI have been telling myself, there’s no point of confronting her or acting in anger. I have no choice but to bear this, acting out will not change anything.
Thank you for your support.
Tell me what’s been happening on your side ?
April 28, 2016 at 7:09 pm #103074AnonymousInactivefrom my side…as i had said, i’ll have to go to that city next week and it keeps triggering me memories. How come something that was SO good was at the same bad? how come he was so heartless as well? today i was thinking how much we both destroyed each other. we’ve watched the relationship dying with zero compassion. it’s like total love to zero from one day to the other (i won’t say zero but..people that love each other causing pain and distress to the other, hurting the other). it’s the kind of stuff that i ask myself everyday how it can happen. And why. Makes sense?
April 28, 2016 at 7:10 pm #103075AnonymousInactiveSometimes i still feel like emailing him and spilling even more stuff out. but he’s a cold person so whatever. can’t expect anything else from him.
April 28, 2016 at 7:29 pm #103077Brav3ParticipantYep, it does make sense to me. In my case, she was the one who changed. I wanted many times (like today) to act out on my anger and be nasty to her but I walked away every single time.
There are two things to look at.
People change. Same person who loves and can change into a hating individual with no compassion. I remember the night when she broke up with me, all of sudden, in shock, I was crying and desperately asking her to not throw away this. She was standing with hands in her pockets, so cold, no compassion towards with me. Its the same girl who couldn’t stop talking about me with her friends and family, about how much we fit together, about how much she loves me and want to spend her whole life. I still struggle to believe it. But it is true.
Second thing, when we act out with our anger towards someone who hurt or betrayed us, we make things worse. Hatred never solves with hatred. I decided to not go that route. I am guessing that’s what happens in your life.
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