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first breakup…

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  • February 5, 2014 at 9:52 pm #50407
    chelsea
    Participant

    hi friends! about a week ago i posted this (http://dev.tinybuddha.com/topic/about-to-call-it-quits/), and we really did call it quits. well, i did. i’ve prayed about our relationship (which is my very first) and my intuition tells me this man is not going to change. he’s 29 and damn set in his ways. i’m done. he’s pushed me enough financially and emotionally and i can feel it in my very spirit that i deserve better. i just know i do. so please pray for me in getting over this. so much has attributed to this and, in a way, i am relieved. i won’t call the last year and a half a waste but i just feel terrible knowing i got so close and vulnerable with someone who won’t meet me halfway when it comes to ambition and being an adult (he’s stuck in punk-skateboard everyday-mode and i’m here trying to make a career and a living for myself). and i can’t un-hear the ugly things he called me when he was storming away. but at the same time, i feel terrible bc he always told me i was his life and i was all he had. yet, here i am telling him we can’t do this anymore. but we fight over and over to the point where i’m not excited to see him like i used to be. how can i get over this or make it feel better?

    • This topic was modified 10 years, 10 months ago by chelsea.
    February 5, 2014 at 10:41 pm #50413
    Annie P
    Participant

    Aww Chelsea 🙂

    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through your first breakup – it’s hard. And it’s painful. But I am so proud of you for following your intuition – sometimes that is the only guide we have when something is not working and we can’t really put our finger on why.

    How to get through it -by taking it one day at a time, by crying when you need to and by realizing this: You did the best you could with what you have learned in your life up until that point. The fact that you feel sad is a glaring reminder of how loving and compassionate you are. Focus on that. You had the courage and good sense to follow your intuition – which is a lesson that takes many of us a lifetime to master.

    Of course I will pray for you. You have a sweet and beautiful soul and you will meet someone equally worthy to one day share your life with:)

    Take care,
    Annie

    February 5, 2014 at 11:05 pm #50415
    Lily
    Participant

    Lovely Chelsea,

    Firstly, you are so brave for calling it quits because doing so meant that you are standing up for yourself and what you deserve. This relationship was obviously not working for you and you felt like it was not good for you in the longer run – so good on you for looking after yourself.

    People truly dont change and it is not our job to get them to change or to even expect it. We need to meet them where they are and love them for it. Unfortunately, he has a lot of work that he needs to do for himself (lifestyle including drugs and his own insecurities) and all you can do send compassion his way but walk away from the situation as it will swallow you if you stayed. The moment you felt you deserved better is the moment you started to grow and learn.

    I dont doubt that he doesnt care about you but I think you need more to make this all work. And he clearly needs to look after himself right now. And you need to look after yourself. Im sorry this has happened and it is hurting you but please hang in there, keep working on yourself, KNOW that it will get better and you are on your way to a life that you are very deserving of.

    Sending you warm hugs
    Lily.

    February 6, 2014 at 4:48 am #50427
    chelsea
    Participant

    but despite all the bad things in our relationship, he was the sweetest guy i’d ever met and so respectful towards me (most of the time). always telling me how beautiful i am and how im so smart and all those good things… the thought of not finding someone better is terrifying right now. and the thought of him moving along kills me. too many thoughts! i need help and prayer right now. thank God for my friends and this forum.

    February 6, 2014 at 8:00 am #50433
    Annie P
    Participant

    Chelsea,

    Im sure you believe in a loving God. Do you think he/she would prompt you with those intuitive feelings if there wasnt something better? Think back: anytime you have followed your intuition, hasnt it always made your life better? Do you think God would punish you for doing exactly what you felt was right? I believe our God is kind and compassionate. You cant make choices based on a future you can not experience right now – you can only do the best you can with what you know today – and carry out your decisions with kindness. I truly believe you are doing that. The previous response was absolutely correct in saying that this might not be the right time for you guys. If he gets help and works on himself, things could be different in the future, but you can only make decisions for yourself and your life – not his. What you do WILL cause him to also change – but his change is up to him. If things dont end up the way you hope they will with him, I can promise you, that it is only because God has something even better for you. Believe me – I have been through this many times, and I am always amazed to see how wonderful things end up just when I thought I would never find something better.
    When you honestly follow your heart and intuition – it will always keep you on that path. Trust God.

    You have a beautiful life waiting for you – I promise:)

    Take care,
    Annie

    We are here for you!!!! 🙂

    February 6, 2014 at 8:41 am #50436
    chelsea
    Participant

    thank you, annie! yes, i believe that God has my back 100% but at the same time, i wish there were a better feeling solution than breaking up. i love this man so much. my first real relationship and i’m in pieces right now yall. please pray for him to get his life on track and realize his worth and how much he can do with himself if he really tries. i hope we reconnect in the future. i can’t imagine us not speaking again.

    what can i do in the mean time to quell this heartache?

    February 7, 2014 at 11:09 am #50510
    Annie P
    Participant

    Your pain is a result of your deep capacity to love. Your boyfriend knows that – I I promise. You have already said and done everything you need to for him. Now its time to let God do his part in his own way with your boyfriend. You need to heal and be whole and happy on your own without anyone. That gives you great comfort and strength to handle whatever life brings you. And, Chelsea, never doubt your intuition. Do your part by following that, and trust God to do what you cant do.

    You are so brave and so sweet and kind. God will bring you more love and peace and happiness than you could ever imagine – trust him to know when the time is right.

    Right now, you are feeling a thousand different emotions from moment to moment – sadness, love, regret, doubt, fear. ..and relief. Embrace each one – cry when you need to – yell when you need to, and feel the great love in your heart when you need to.

    You are strong – and you will be ok, I promise:)

    We are here for you!! And praying for you, sweety.
    -Annie

    February 7, 2014 at 2:45 pm #50524
    Lily
    Participant

    Annie,

    Thank you for your lovely words. I know they were for Chelsea who really needs them but reading it made me smile from the inside out. A glowing warmth and I appreciate you sharing that with all of us. I too needed to hear that I will be amazed to see how wonderfully things will end up 🙂

    Mighty thanks,
    Lily.

    February 7, 2014 at 2:54 pm #50525
    Lily
    Participant

    Chelsea,

    Firstly, sending you more hugs.

    Secondly, I 100% agree with Annie and what she said. You are feeling SO many things and they are overwhelming and it will be for a while. But just feel each and every one of those. Dont push them away, just be open to whatever you feel. Hold onto your surfboard and ride the wave (says the Aussie in me). It will be up and down but it will calm down and you will find the peace – as long as you feel every single feeling that comes along.

    I have recently started praying and God had always been so kind to me. So keep praying (if you have been), God wants you to learn something but He wont take away something without giving you something even better. Also, take care of yourself – cry, pray, go for a walk everyday, eat healthy, surround yourself with people who support you, journal, meditate, sing, wash dishes, talk to God (all or any of them!). Do what soothes you. And listen and talk to yourself with the greatest of compassion — as you would to a dear friend who is hurting. Nothing less.

    You are a brave girl indeed, you wouldnt have come so far if you didnt have the courage. So many lessons are coming your way and your character is being formed in the dark times. Know that you will be carried thru this, God is there looking after you. Give him the broken pieces for him to fix and He will do the rest.

    Warmest of thoughts your way
    Lily.

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