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Finding mutual love and happiness

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  • March 9, 2017 at 3:04 pm #138291
    Claudio Ariel
    Participant

    Dear fellow tinybuddha friend,

    About a month ago my girlfriend and I broke up. It’s clear to me that we’re never going to get back together. I was and still am devastated. I had to go to a psychiatrist, and had to get anti-depressive medication.

    The break up and therapy helped me realize that I’ve been living with very painful, very deep unresolved childhood issues that lead to codependency. I’ve been living all my life looking for my perfect wife to love and be loved completely. I had many heartbreaks. In one occasion, I didn’t kill myself because God had mercy of me I guess.

    I will continue with Therapy. I’ll also be attending my first CoDA.org session today — planning on attending 2 sessions per week.

    So, I am working on the issues, and I will get better. I have no doubt about it.

    I would also like to join a group to meet new people — I hope that doing so might help me find true love and happiness at last.

     

    Any recommendation of what other groups or activities I could join, or what other things I could do to meet people?

     

    Also, wondering, any recommendation on where I could go to learn more about Buddhism and perhaps practice meditation in or relatively near (~75-mile radius) Redmond, Washington State area?

    Thank you, and have a great day.

    Claudio

     

    March 9, 2017 at 6:25 pm #138517
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Claudio:

    I am in your 75 miles radius but I do not know about, nor did I look for a Buddhist temple. Or any other religious center. I did attend CoDA meetings in-person, many years ago and enjoyed them.

    I do not have advice for you about where to meet people. I know of meetup groups (you can google) but never attended any.

    I think you attending and continuing to attend (competent) therapy is excellent, and I hope the CoDA online works for you. When you do meet people, do take time to evaluate those you meet. No matter how much good healing work you do on yourself, there will always be people out there who will not benefit you, even harm you, because they need to do healing work, but do not. So proceed with cautions as you meet new people. Be selective.

    anita

    March 10, 2017 at 12:14 pm #138893
    Crystal
    Participant

    Hi Claudio,

    Wow – you sound exactly like me. I have had my heartbroken time and again because of the expectations that someone else will fill up the void that actually needs to be filled with love and compassion for myself. It’s hard work getting to that point. I went to CoDA for a year and a half and thought I had all my sh*t together but somehow fell back down the rabbit hole when someone promised to love me and “complete” me. I guess I did not take the work seriously enough.

    I now believe it’s  life-long process of retraining our brains. All our beliefs about ourselves are put on us by others, though various traumas, mine also from childhood. It’s like living in hell when you don’t believe you’re worthy of your own love, let alone someone else’s. Therapy – with the RIGHT therapist – will turn some of your views around and between that and CoDA and a good meditation practice (just my suggestion) you will get there. I just finished an amazing book that another participant had listed here so I’ll make the recommendation: How Did I Get Here by Barbara De Angelis. She has some really deep insights.

    Try to remember that all the pain and grief you feel is there to teach you deep lessons. They may not be evident yet, but in time you will be grateful for the experience. Love to you…

     

     

     

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