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Finding it difficult to let go and move on

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Viewing 9 posts - 1 through 9 (of 9 total)
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  • March 9, 2017 at 4:07 pm #138299
    Abi
    Participant

    My partner of 11 years broke up with me earlier this year. This is not the first time we broke up, but now we have both moved out of the flat we shared for 8 years and live separately.

    We had been so much in love for a very long time, and he always said that he wouldn’t know what he’d do without me. Unfortunately, things hadn’t been right for the last couple of years. Our love was passionate, but unfortunately, so were our arguments, and it was these arguments he couldn’t take anymore, so he moved out.

    He blocked me on facebook and apparently wrote a status explaining his side of things so I wouldn’t see it. He says we could stay amicable, and indeed we were last time we spoke, although I felt it to be awkward. I tried to apologise for the hurt I caused him, but it just seemed to upset him more.

    He has unblocked me on facebook, but hasn’t re added me. I’m giving him the space he, and indeed myself needs, but I can’t stop thinking about him. People tell me it’s for the best, but it would pain me to the core to think we would never be friends. We’ve always been so close, I couldn’t think of anything worse.

    March 9, 2017 at 4:45 pm #138349
    Charles
    Participant

    Hello,

    I’m sorry to hear you’re going through this situation. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I’m going through a similar situation, struggling everyday and night with my feelings and trying to not fall into depression.

    Be strong, try to recompose yourself. It’s a long journey. And remember that you’re not alone.

    Regards,

    C

    March 9, 2017 at 6:06 pm #138511
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Abi:

    You wrote that the two of you had passionate arguments. What were they about? Who initiated them and who kept going and going each argument, prolonging it?

    Then you wrote that he couldn’t take the arguments anymore so he moved out. That leads me to think that he disliked the arguments more than you did, that you were able to tolerate those arguments, maybe you were even okay with them. Is it correct?

    anita

    March 11, 2017 at 4:06 am #138949
    Abi
    Participant

    Thank you, Charles.

    Anita, I suppose it was me who initiated the arguments. I look back at it now and it seems so needless. We had so many plans to go on tour with our band, and I guess I just felt he wasn’t making any steps towards our dreams. I was by far from OK with the arguments, but letting go has never been my strong point

    I guess I messed up and just longing on to what could have been.

    March 11, 2017 at 4:54 am #138955
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Abi:

    Your dream regarding the band were more important to you, at one point on, than the well being of the relationship, and you were willing to risk the second for the first. And you lost the relationship and the dream did not materialize, correct?

    anita

    March 11, 2017 at 7:03 am #138969
    Rebecca
    Participant

    I’ve been in a relationship on and off for 16 years and suspect it has been a narcisstic abusive relationship which ended with physical abuse in January.  I feel so broken and confused as I really thought this man was my soul friend and finding it so hard to let go and not contact even though deep down he is the cause of why I am feeling so depressed and suicidal.  I have good support of a counsellor and doctor but find it very hard to explain to anyone what I am feeling and every day seems a battle with tears and feeling so hopeless of ever recovering and moving on with my life.  I drank wine and took pills the other day because I couldn’t cope with feeling like this anymore but feeling better bit by bit every day.  I can’t understand what has happened and just want to feel like my old self again.

    March 11, 2017 at 7:24 am #138981
    Anonymous
    Guest

    *Dear Rebecca: this thread belongs to the Original Poster (OP), Abi. If you would like the input of other members, please start your own thread: click FORUMS above, choose a CATEGORY (RELATIONSHIPS, seems to me), click that, scroll down the page. You can copy your post above and paste it there.

    anita

    March 14, 2017 at 3:46 pm #139495
    Abi
    Participant

    Anita,

    We both care deeply about the band, but it wasn’t more important than the relationship. There were many reasons why things didn’t work out. If I honest with myself, I feel like my partner wanted to break up with me for a long time, but was afraid to hurt my feelings.

    His reason for breaking with me was that he was tired of hurting me and me hurting him. He also has much going on in his own personal life that he needs to “figure out”.

    March 14, 2017 at 7:29 pm #139515
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Abi:

    Whatever was or were the topic (or topics) of the passionate arguments he couldn’t take anymore, the arguments that hurt the two of you, that topic was placed at a higher importance than the well being of each one of you and the well being of the relationship. And so, the relationship ended.

    You spent many years with each other. If you were ever to get back together, I hope the number one priority would be to settle differences in a peaceful, non aggressive ways, lending an EAR to each other (Empathy, Assertiveness, Respect).

    anita

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