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Finding Inner peace with my breakup

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Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)
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  • September 10, 2018 at 12:05 pm #225075
    Peter
    Participant

    Hi Jay

    Ouch that is a difficult situation to be in.

    Two things I noted.

    The tendency to compare ourselves with others is never helpful and a bad habit to get into. If your working in the practice, letting go of such comparisons and learning to love yourself without comparison is a good place to start.

    The second thing is the speculation that you can know what another person is thinking, or motives are.  You can’t. The rule of charity states that if there are multiple possibility’s behinds someone actions and you cannot be sure which is true, pick the story (it is a story until you confirm it) that is most compassionate. Pick the story that does you the least harm.  The other option is to talk to this person and ask them straight out if there is any ulterior motives to their interactions to you. That would take a great deal of courage and understandable if you decide not to, however if you decide not to,  again choose the better story and in this way let it go.

    September 11, 2018 at 9:37 am #225193
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay:

    Do you believe then that your ex and this man are having a relationship? The two are secretive, you wrote and co workers know nothing about such a relationship, I understand. So I suppose you have evidence of such?

    anita

    September 11, 2018 at 8:03 pm #225263
    Jay
    Participant

    Yes I do… He calls him up and will facetime with him. I’ve seen multiple social media posts that sort of hint to me that they could be a thing.

    As for my coworkers, I’m pretty sure they know they are talking. However, I think everyone (including my ex and his new boyfriend) doesn’t know that I’ve added it up myself.

    September 12, 2018 at 6:53 am #225299
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay:

    You have evidence that they communicate but not that they are a couple, or a monogamous couple. I don’t know you have evidence that your ex boyfriend left you for this man. Maybe he did, maybe partly. I don’t know.

    The key sentence in your original post is: “For the past 4 weeks that I’ve had to work with him and this company, I’ve been doing my hardest to act  like its okay… but its really not. I’m not okay”.

    What if you approach your co worker and ask him. He may be stunned by a direct question, so maybe give him some time after asking him if he is your ex’s boyfriend. Tell him no aggression will follow your question or his answer, that you want to know because you are not okay not knowing.

    What do you think?

    anita

    September 14, 2018 at 5:46 am #225673
    Jay
    Participant

    Personally, I wouldn’t want to bring that sort of drama into the workplace… That’s why I’ve been acting like its okay.

     

    Also.. Did something stupid… I went into his dressing room because I saw he received flowers from someone… Of course, it was from my ex.

    September 14, 2018 at 6:13 am #225681
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay:

    That must have hurt. I suppose it is evidence that there is a romantic relationship going on. How do you feel following the flower discovery?

    anita

    September 14, 2018 at 8:45 am #225693
    Jay
    Participant

    It hurts…

    but in a sense I finally have my confirmation. I’ve had these suspicions about this guy for months. I was constantly going back and forth… “maybe they aren’t together”… “maybe they are”…

     

    At least now I know?… I felt dumb for thinking those thoughts based of the evidence i had before. But now I’m definitely certain that they are a thing…

     

    I just need to find peace with myself in order to be okay with all of this and how it went down.

    September 14, 2018 at 11:09 am #225721
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Jay:

    You weren’t sure then. Now you are. Clarity is a step toward that peace you need. I  do hope you reach that peace soon, a bit more every day.

    anita

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