Dear Jess,

I know that you have a lot of feelings right now, and it seems as a big chaos. The thing is, you can´t do anything on how people act, or behave…but, You are giving them a chance to break your emotions. You can either accept them as they are, and don´t let their behavior sadden you, or you can get really depressed.
Sorry for my spelling, since Spanish is my first language. I have to tell you that you could work on your emotions, as you have a lot of anger. It is normal, and natural to have it… but you will need to work on it, for your own sake. People and friends sometimes have trouble coping with the possibility of a friend dying, and sometimes they don´t want to accept reality, thus, they don´t go see their friend to the hospital. I´m not saying that all of them are your real friends… hell, you only can count true friends with a single hand… so understand that what matters is the way you perceive their behavior, and that it is affecting you by making you really sad. It´s tough that she didn´t aknowledge your help… but then again, you did it for the sake of helping…and your other friend knows the truth. If you helped someone, and even 1 person,… then you are great my man! If you change the life of someone… you are better than most people! and I applaud you.

Hope to have helped…

Hi Jess, you have been through some true challenges and have shown remarkable resilience in the face of them. Believe me, I know too well how hard it can be when people don’t meet our expectations — it can be so disappointing and feel so huge. I wonder if you can focus your energy and emotions on thinking about the people who did visit and support you during this time, and see if you can perhaps consider that the friend you mentioned is not as generous and grounded as you are — and I am guessing not a very happy or positive influence in your life. I know it seems hurtful now, but these overwhelming situations really can create new moments of clarity and wisdom wherein we gain a whole new capacity to decide what (and who) we want in our lives — and can clear space in our lives for brand new opportunities, thoughts, and new people who are more genuine and caring. Try to envision that and move toward that image and emotion and you can bring it about.

When I have found myself in similar situations, I have found that it is best for me to simply release and let go of people who are unappreciative so that I can make room to spend time and energy on those people who are truly caring, and find new energy to let other people and events into my life. I have struggled in similar situations and have learned that it can be all too easy to get paralyzed and mired in negative thoughts and emotions that lead to a vicious cycle of resentment and depression, which only leads to further isolation. On the other hand, when I finally decided to just release the expectations I had of people in my life and simply be grateful every day for every person who cares about me and touched me in positive ways, I found myself attracting more positive people and events into my life. At that point I would usually look back at those people who had “let me down” and see that they were not what I thought they were, and that I was at peace to have finally wished them well and moved on. I’m much older than you, and it took me a lot of years to figure that out — and now I only wish I had not wasted the energy I did over the years on people who just weren’t in the same place as me.

I don’t know if any of that helps at all, but when I read your post I really felt compassion for you because I have experienced similar struggles in the past–so I wanted to do my best to share. Now, for just a few practical suggestions. Why not look for support groups in your area for people who may also be recovering from serious medical conditions? This may help a great deal during your recovery, and you may make some lasting friendships. Also, what about joining or starting a Meet-Up group based on a hobby or interest that you have? Maybe a book group or cooking group….a walking/exercise group or just a fun social group? I have joined a couple of groups and have met some fun people. You may also find some Meet-up groups in your area that practice mindful meditation — this TRULY does wonders for quieting negative thoughts and bringing calmness and clarity of spirit — and is also a nice way to meet people. Also, how about making a gratitude list each day — and perhaps making a point of sending a thank you note or performing a small kind gesture each day for someone? This is great for “hardwiring” your brain toward positive thoughts and is a huge and lasting mood lifter — not to mention that it strengthens social connections. You may also enjoy these books by Rick Hanson (1) Buddha’s Brain, and (2) Hardwiring Happiness (just out this week!). Also google his website — there are free videos that are great! Two other great books are Authentic Happiness and Flourish by Martin Seligman — he also has a GREAT website! Lastly, have you thought of seeing a therapist for a short time just to maybe help you work through this temporarily challenging time? This is just a thought, but it may be of help to you. That said, I can’t stress enough how helpful the books I mentioned are — I think they may give you new perspective and help you with some of the thoughts and feelings you are having.

These things aren’t easy, and sometimes it is a bit of a long journey, but there is so much goodness in life….and if you can reframe your thoughts now at such a young age, I can only imagine what great things you will discover in the course of your life. One last thing — anything you can read on the Tao is extremely powerful for learning to let go and access your flow…

Please know there is so much power within you, and that this can be just a bump in the road that sends you on a truly enlightening journey….every challenge is a gift and every crisis is an opportunity for new growth and possibilities. I wish you so much happiness. 🙂