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Fiance and I broke up, feel regret

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  • June 19, 2018 at 12:54 pm #213181
    Nicole
    Participant

    I have been with my fiance for 6 years. Things were great at first, then it slowly turned into him controlling me. I couldn’t talk to my old friends, couldn’t go anywhere by myself, he made me delete all my social media accounts, he completely changed me, and I let him do it because I loved him. I still do love him but I’m not in love with him anymore. Our relation ship was getting worse and worse and worse and we finally both admitted we weren’t happy. I finally got up the nerve to leave him and now that I have I feel like both of us and our two children are suffering. Me and him are civil toward each other but it’s definitely hard. He wants us to get back together but I don’t think it’s a good idea. The only thing that keeps pulling me back is the kids. I’m stuck living with him because I have no money, no job, and no where to go. I was a stay at home mother and I’m currently looking for a job which he’s helping me with. He’s still helping me with everything which is another reason I feel regret. I feel like I should stick to my decision to not be together because I was so unhappy with the relationship but everything he’s doing is making my resolve falter. I’m not sure what to do and I need advice.

    June 19, 2018 at 10:44 pm #213217
    Hey Its Jess
    Participant

    Hey Nicole!

     

    I am sorry that you have to go through all this. If I were in your situation, I would think about the events which led to the break up. You need to reanalyze them from a third point of view, like you are in a movie watching yourself and your fiance. See things from his perspective. Why did he act that way? why is he being nice now?

     

    To be honest, his controlling behavior is a red flag and sooner or later its gonna become a major problem for you since you hate that. No one should tolerate it as far as that is concerned. These traits are often found in narcissistic and manipulative men. Do confront him about this. He may be acting nice now and become his usual self once he gets you back.

     

    I know you want to do it for the children but the truth is, even if you guys do get back together, they will grow up in a dysfunctional household which is far more painful than being brought up by a single parent. You can set an example for them as well by being strong in these bad times, standing up for yourself and respecting your boundaries.

     

    Good luck! Hopefully you’ll make the right decision 🙂

     

     

    June 20, 2018 at 4:46 am #213239
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Nicole:

    You wrote about him: “He’s still helping me with everything”

    Can he help you with your distress over the unreasonable part of his controlling behavior by considering no longer exercising these behaviors? (For example, if you drive safely then it will be reasonable and loving on his part to encourage you to drive to the park with the children, let’s say, or by yourself for some alone time).

    anita

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