Dear strider:

Whatever you think and whatever you feel is okay- you honor yourself by expressing your thoughts, preferances and feelings here and elsewhere. What you do matters, and judgment should be made only on what you choose to do, what your actions are. Feelings for that girl in the office just happen, nothing to frown about in my opinion. I like what you did here, turning to your wife and not toward the ex co-worker. Telling your wife how you feel, wanting alone time- it is for your benefit and for HER benefit that you are honest with her about your feelings.

anita

Dear strider:

That may very well be what you need to do so to take care of yourself. Your job and responsibility is to take care of yourself, of your own well being. Are you thinking of having psychotherapy to explore your feelings, this draw to being solitary, this longing to be by yourself and try to perfect yourself (I wonder what you mean by ‘perfect’ yourself)?

You expressed misgiving about sharing here before, a few posts ago, it being an online, not in person, forum. So I understand you may not answer my question or share anymore here. It is your choice. There is no point in answering or sharing more unless you have some faith that it may be helpful.

Take care of yourself:
anita

This happened to me a few years ago. I was convinced about this crush, and I didn’t say anything to anyone except a few close friends, but I prayed for clarity and for the feelings to go away because I wanted to be faithful and to rekindle my love for my partner again. This worked for me! It was very hard, but I made decisions to avoid the crush, and I tried to work on my relationship with my partner, and a few months later it all felt silly and I was so glad that I handled it the way I did.