Hello strider,

It seems as if her reliance on you and your communication has brought you closer to this girl form work. Perhaps there is something missing in your relationship that you were getting from this girl at work. It may be beneficial for you to reevaluate your relationship since you have been with your wife for quite a while now. Did you stop communicating, telling each other you love each other, or doing new things?

Love is love, it is renewed everyday by choice. We have to make a conscious decision to be present in all of our relationships everyday. It’s great that you enjoy alone time, most people do. However, that does not mean you need to leave your marriage in order to be happy. Perhaps you two should do some activities together and do some things on your own?

Emotions are emotions, just because the title of the relationship changes doesn’t mean that your emotions do too. How well do you know this other girl? It could be possible that she just trusted you as a friend and found comfort from talking to you. Maybe you can look at your own emotions and figure out what’s happening in your relationship before considering this other girl. Sometimes we can look out to others as a distraction so we don’t have to deal with our own issues.

Annie

Dear strider:

I very much appreciate your last post! I have much respect for you for thinking about what would be fair to a child. You expressing this motivates me to try to help you in the context of this forum in any way I can. If you post again, I will carefully read what you write and give you my thoughtful feedback, if you’d like.

anita

Dear strider:

I decided to re-read your original post and give you my thoughts about it:

The girl in the office, your contact with her has been very limited to work only, no contact outside work. Within the working environment all contact with her was pleasant and her relying on you to solve problems has been very pleasant for you, made you feel good. The advantage in such a situation and such a relationship is that it allows you the solitude, lone wolf time that you need away from the co worker and it allows you only the pleasant, time-limited interactions within the safe solitude that you need.Your wife, on the other hand, she is THERE in your space way more often and on an ongoing basis than what you would like. She is there when you wake up, she is there when you go to sleep, she is there stimulating in you uncomfortable feelings, not only the pleasant ones. No wonder you fell in love with the co-worker. It is logical for me to imagine that if you had a greater contact with the co-worker, that would be a burden and distress to you.

You wrote that when you were younger you were a lone wolf. I am guessing there was something very trapping, making you feel trapped, in your relationship with at least one of your parents/ major care takers. And that you turned away from that distressing relationship by going the lone wolf route.

You are feeling trapped with your wife, probably not because she is over controlling or the like but because those feelings of being trapped are leftover feelings from childhood, feelings that get activated.

I am thinking it is the examining of those leftover trapped feelings that need to be examined. Any feedback so far?

anita

No, don’t tell her. You have only been married 3 months…keep going.
Ask again in 10 years.

Dear strider:

We are ALL voices at the end of a keyboard on this website. But often we are more real here than in “real life.” Life outside this or other website, as in physical interactions kind of life, is very often full of delusion and make belief: this is why people come here, to sort out delusion and reality in.. “real” life.

All the best to you,
anita

Dear strider:

Whatever you think and whatever you feel is okay- you honor yourself by expressing your thoughts, preferances and feelings here and elsewhere. What you do matters, and judgment should be made only on what you choose to do, what your actions are. Feelings for that girl in the office just happen, nothing to frown about in my opinion. I like what you did here, turning to your wife and not toward the ex co-worker. Telling your wife how you feel, wanting alone time- it is for your benefit and for HER benefit that you are honest with her about your feelings.

anita