Dear andreapretty,
am i getting too personal and I am sorry for that but my instincts says that your husband is a great valuable for you. You have made him suffer from your part. He is still with you. Hope for your good life.
Finewine.

Dear andreapretty,
Hope you are fine, can you just keep having a child with your husband issue aside for a moment and think and write here that what do you like and what you don’t like in your husband . What does this marriage means to you. What are you going to loose, if you terminate this marriage. Hope for you to write when you are in a calm state of mind not in emotional state, so that we can understand better.
Finewine.

Dear andreapretty,
all you mentioned is fine.what are going to loose once you are out of this marriage? ?? Think clearly and then respond.
Finewine.

Dear andreapretty:

As to your last note to me: you are welcome. If I was you, from all the information you shared so far, I would release the husband from his suffering by ending the marriage that shouldn’t have taken place to begin with.

And then, if I was you, I would let go of all fake appearances and be true to myself.

There will be a price to pay, a different price from the one you are paying now. Which is a heavier price: your mental distress now, being untrue to your husband, to yourself and to everyone else OR your future distress for people thinking badly of you ?

anita

Dear andreapretty:

From your last post, your choice is this:

1. Self respect and hatred by your husband, his parents and your parents.
2. Self disrespect, or.. self hatred, and tolerance by your husband, his parents and your parents.

I would like to examine these two choices:

The time aspect: if you disrespect yourself, you live all your waking hours disrespecting yourself. If they hate you, they spend only part of their time hating you.

The usefulness aspect: if you disrespect yourself, you have little to no motivation to live, beyond mere existing, at best. You choose anxiety and depression as a way of life. If they tolerate you (not hating you) while you disrespect yourself, anxiety and depression is still your way of life. Their tolerance of you doesn’t change the quality of your life.

The danger aspect: is there a danger that your husband and/ or his parents and/ or your parents will harm you physically if they hate you?

anita

Dear andreapretty:

So your parents will disown you, may not let you stay in their home and if they do, they may not offer you food.

I asked you earlier if you work and make money, and I believe you wrote that you are employed and you do make money. Will you be able, if separated/ divorced, to continue your employment and live independently, not with your parents, and feed yourself?

anita

Dear andreapretty:

If you are not dependent on your parents but they are dependent on you, then you are the one with power over them, not the other way around. They need you, how can they disown you? I suppose they will disapprove and make disowning-gestures, as not invite you to the table to eat with them. If that happens, you can be the one to communicate the following to them:

I will disown you, I will stop supporting you unless you invite me to the table to eat with you; unless you behave these ways toward me (and be specific about those ways).

anita

Dear andreapretty:

As to the last part of your post: is it important to settle this unsaid anger and disappointment with him- you mean your father?

From your shares, you were alone as a child; your parents were not there for you. So if they disown you- what will you be losing?

I see no hope in making your father understand- or care to understand you, not as the child that you were, and not the woman you are now.

I believe you owe your father nothing; I believe you owe your mother nothing.

Is there a way for you to make the separation happen and move away, far away from your parents, his parents, and people who know all the individuals involved? A new fresh start someplace else… maybe even another country?

anita