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Feeling stuck

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  • March 17, 2015 at 4:15 am #74022
    Laia
    Participant

    I have recently moved to be with my husband in his home town. We moved basically so he could be closer to his daughter (she’s five) and we also started out own business. I was really happy where I was before, I had my independence, a great support network and was working towards a dream of being a writer. I also really loved my state, It was sunny, lots of nature about. I really felt at home there..

    I love my partner very much and we have an incredible relationship. I love his little girl also. And I myself am pregnant and about to give birth. Our business isn’t doing very well so we are getting into debt. But I think we can turn that around. And although it is stressful it’s not what is bothering me

    My problem is i hate his home town. It is kind of sucking the soul out of me. I know I sound dramatic but that’s how I feel. I am trying to be positive but sometimes I feel so trapped I can hardly breathe.

    The thought of being here for the rest of my life and bringing my son up here makes me feel panicked. There is a real divide in the society over union and independent ideologies and the schools are very tied up in politics and religion. It’s a very ugly built up place with very little nature around. IT rains all the time and I don’t understand the language they speak, they are bilingual here but refuse to speak the second language ( which I speak) as they are pro independence

    I don’t know what to do.. In a few years my husband says we can move but that would mean giving up the relationship with his daughter, my step daughter. And then I feel totally selfish. However I truly believe our life quality and happiness would be higher if we left.. I grew up in a divided socitey and i have a large concern about the messages being taught in the schools here, and i hated that about my child hood. I didn’t realise it was so bad until I moved here.I left home at 16 to get away from hatred and segregation and now I feel i am faced with it again. I don’t want my step daugther or my son contaminated by this way of thinking

    I am here for the time being and I need to find some ways to cope. I have tried to make friends but its quite a closed society and they are not very welcoming of foreigners. I am becoming depressed and lonely and negative and don’t want to be this person.

    Any advice would be greatly welcomed.

    March 17, 2015 at 10:28 am #74046
    Will
    Participant

    Trust your heart. You need to move. I don’t know when or how this will be possible, but it’s worth working for. Promise yourself you will move, and see if you breathe a little easier.

    March 17, 2015 at 3:51 pm #74064
    Debs
    Participant

    The best way is to be honest about your tied up feelings with your husband. He would understand if he truly cares for your well being.Atleast ask him a definite time period within which he is certain about moving to another city.You deserve a life of your own in a way you want.Place matters great deal.I feel how suffocated you must be feeling.Take care!

    March 17, 2015 at 6:47 pm #74069
    RC
    Participant

    Hi Laia,
    I think both responses you received contain important points: give yourself the option to leave. This is your life and you must make the right decision for yourself and for your children. Speak with your husband – if you cannot communicate your feelings of being trapped and unable to breathe (which are very powerful feelings indeed), then it is definitely time to start down a new path. Feeling depressed and lonely can be very crippling indeed, but feeling trapped physically and mentally makes it all so much worse. If you were to move on with your own life, what would that entail? What would need to be done? What arrangements would need to be made? If you were to stay, what would need to change? Decide what YOU want, and go for it.

    Best of luck.

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