Dear soldierboy:

Glad you started a thread. I am reading your pain loud and clear. You wrote above: “it may seem like nothing to some”- doesn’t seem like nothing to me: when you are in pain, it is never nothing.

She sent a pic asking who is your valentine while you were in a relationship and didn’t mention that you are her valentine, is that what happened?

And then she replied with an lol to a guy who wrote some sexually explicit stuff to her.

In both cases, you would have felt good if she stated you are her Valentine (the first example), and if she either asserted herself with the explicit guy writing to him that she is in a committed relationship with you and will not participate with such talk and/ or block him that once or if he continued. Am I correct so far?

How is the relationship with her otherwise? Are there other examples to the behavior you pointed out; how long in the relationship? What do you like about her; what do you dislike…?

anita

Dear harry lynch:

I don’t know if you can stay with her- seems to me like you have been staying with her, so you can stay. Why don’t you tell her how you feel, without blaming her (so she doesn’t feel attacked)- listen to what she will say. If she cares about your feelings, she may change these ways that understandably bother you so much.

This kind of flirtation does not mean she is unfaithful to you or even insensitive- unless- she knows this is hurting you and she continues to do this.

Talk to her, tell her how much you love her and how much this bothers you. She may say: sorry you are hurt; no big deal, I will change this behavior!

anita

Hey Harry,

Great question! Who does that?……

Answer…. many people! This is the simple truth.

Question for you – What will you accept? If you live true to you heart, then this is not an issue. Yes, there will be a break up, and you will hurt. Yes there will be doubt over what you did. Was this an impulsive decision, and have you ruined a chance at a great relationship? Answer is yes…..

What matters is whether you are living your life, according to you principles, values, boundaries and ethics! Does this relationship embrace these? Would you do this to another person? Is how you are treated, a reflection of how you treat others?

Ok…. yes…. this sounds harsh. I understand your pain! Many other people also feel what you are going through. Alas this is far too common…..

Now you need to make a decision. Does this relationship align with you? Can you swap places with this person and see yourself doing the same thing? Is this a person who exonerates your ideas of a relationship?

What you do from here, is revealed in the answers to these questions. Remember….. Don’t look back…. that is not the direction you are travelling.

I hope this a help to you.

Best

Evan