Feeling Lost/Depressed After Breakup

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This topic has 15 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 9 years, 7 months ago by Anonymous.

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May 25, 2015 at 11:43 am #77227

Patrick
Participant

Hey Guys,

This is my first post on here & it’s all a little weird to me but I’m in some desperate need for advice. Where do I begin? Lol.

Last June I met this beautiful girl while I was on vacation in Cuba & long story short we found out that we both lived in the same city in Canada. So we kept in touch when we both got back & things were basically magical. We ended up forming a relationship together in the month of July. While I was in the relationship I found it so hard to believe that this girl could bring so much happiness into my life. I did everything for her, I was there when she would break down, I stood by her side at all times & kept strong. Then something really weird happened the 5th month in. I felt a shift in her personality. She became a lot more rude & hostile towards me. I really didn’t know what was going on. This basically led to a break up. I received a text msg while shopping at the mall with some friends basically saying things were done. Now because of my pride I tried not to show how deeply hurt I was to my friends. I was basically left with zero closure on the situation. The break up happened right before Christmas. The whole holiday season I kept running away from my problems & hiding all my emotions within me. 3 months ago I completely broke down at my place of word & had an anxiety attack. I ended up quitting my job & slipping into a severe depression.

I really lost myself in the whole process because I couldn’t figure out what I did wrong to make this girl just completely ignore me. I loved her. After getting out of the break up I kept re-playing moments over & over in my head. I had latched onto this one time when we were driving in my truck & she had said to me “You really like me huh?” I replied with “Well, yeah obviously” she then responded with “I feel like you’d kill yourself If we ever broke up” …guys I really didn’t know what to think at that moment, I kind of brushed it off & didn’t think of it. Now that haunts me everyday of my life. I feel like as if im going to loose all control of myself & do something stupid. I don’t feel normal.

I’ve started to see an energy/spiritual healer in hopes of feeling better. It seems like it’s working so far. I’ve spent a lot of time in the self-help section of book stores reading books like “The monk who sold his Ferrari” by Robin Sharma “The Alchemist” and books of that nature.

I felt my entire world come crashing down guys. Everyday I’m haunted by those words. I finally mustered up the courage to call her & tell her everything I needed to get off my chest. It was a really emotional conversation where I finally said goodbye. She told me not to hurt myself & that was huge for me. But I still do feel really lost in my life, I’m not sure why.

Now on top of this I recently found out that my uncle is addicted to cocaine. We had an intervention for him & I had to stay strong for the sake of my aunt. This really made me angry & it was just another thing I had to deal with.

I guess what I’m saying is…I haven’t really felt happiness or peace in a really long time. Any advice is much appreciated guys.

Thanks,
Pat

May 25, 2015 at 12:32 pm #77232

Adam
Participant

Hey Pat,
The quote, “If you seek it, you will never find it.” comes to mind here. Happiness and peace aren’t destinations or goals to reach, they are a state of being. In that state you are overcome with appreciation, gratitude, joy, and acceptance. However, when you focus on what you don’t have, where you should be, or how things could’ve gone, you are incapable of being in a that happy state of being.

Appreciation for everything you have, gratitude for all life, find joy in simplicity, and acceptance for who you are, where you are, and what you have the ability to do in this moment.

It takes time, dedication, and discipline but once you begin on this path, happiness is found everywhere. Don’t believe what you think you know or understand. Surround yourself with appreciation, gratitude, joy, and acceptance in all that you do and happiness will engulf you.

Thepathofaronin.blogspot.com is my personal blog and may offer more useful suggestions. Good luck my friend.

May 25, 2015 at 1:42 pm #77241

Patrick
Participant

Hi Adam,

Thanks for the advice. I guess I’m trying to hard to forget about everything. I just don’t know what to do at this point it’s very confusing. Those words she said to me we’re deeply damaging. Absolutely broke me. I just have no idea where my life is headed at this point & that kind of scares me.

May 26, 2015 at 1:50 am #77255

Hopeful Josh
Participant

I am so happy to have find a forum such as this so I can also share my struggle.

I was so in love with this guy who I worked with. Our relationship is so magical, I was so happy that time already imagining of getting married and growing old with him. I am already willing to move and live in India if permitted. And here comes I got pregnant. At first we were still ok, already planning to get married and raising the baby together. But when we ask his parents for a blessing, they wont agree. They even wanted my baby to be aborted or send for adoption wherein I disagree. when the baby was out, we are still okay but when my baby reach 1st month, he suddenly lost. after a month, he came and messaged me that he can’t marry me anymore. My world crushed that time and even begged him to talk to his parents. Telling me that its ok even if we don’t get marry as long as we are together with the baby and both of us is already enough for him gave me a slight hope that the relationship is still fine and we can still fight against all odds. But just 2 days ago, suddenly he told me that ” Talking about us and our future, I’m sorry there is nothing i can do. But about the baby, I’ll always be there for her, she is still my daughter and nothing can change that. I don’t want to give you hopes, if you find someone else please move on so I can too.” I world came tumbling down again, seems like I was betrayed and all he’s telling me are lies. Haven’t had proper sleep since that night. It’s just so painful specially I have a daughter which reminds me of him.
I know you guys can share some of your insights. Please help me cope up with this struggle…

I feel so lost now and I pity my daughter that she will grow up without a father. Every mother’s pain.

May 26, 2015 at 8:46 am #77286

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Pat:
A couple of things come to my mind as I think about your post:
1) You tried to be strong for the girl and for your uncle. You acted strong while she broke down, in front of your friends in your mall and while your uncle broke down to cocaine addiction (What is the nature of your ex gf breaking down… repeatedly???)

But you broke down having had an anxiety attack at work, quitting your job and being tormented by your ex gf’s words.

Will you say your tendency is to help others while not taking care of yourself? Paying attention to others’ distress while pushing down your own distress?

If so, when did it start (a childhood pattern)? How is it working for you?

2) You wrote that your ex gf used to break down but you did not write what was that about or if there is a connection between those breakdowns and her becoming rude later (emotional problems on her part?) And when you did talk to her again, you wrote that you got things off your chest. But did you ask her for the intent she had in saying the words that so haunt you? This would be a way for you to come to some kind of peace with those words- to ask the one who said them for her intent instead of guessing what they meant…

What do you think so far about what i wrote here?
anita

May 26, 2015 at 9:08 am #77292

Patrick
Participant

Hi Anita,

Thanks for the response. She had her friend pass away of cancer while we were dating & I was there at the funeral for her. I was the one who went to buy their whole family “Boston Bruins” t-shirts to wear because her friend had loved that hockey team. Whatever she needed while she was going through the tough times I was there at her disposal.

As a kid I’ve always been really introverted, especially while growing up. But as I became a teenager I grew into a person I really liked & was really confident. I’m 24 now & am so lost as to where my life is headed now.

I broke down at work because I was completely overwhelmed & constantly thinking of everything that has been going wrong in my life.

The connection to her break downs was probably linked to an ex that she had that apparently didn’t treat her well. So I made it my mission to treat her the best I possibly could & to show her how a woman she properly be treated. Towards the end of the relationship she had said to me that she felt “completely numb” and that she doesn’t know if she was falling in love with me. I guess I saw past all her imperfections because I did love her.

As far are those words go, she said them in a joking sort of manner, but I didn’t take them that way. I was completely shocked that someone would even joke about that sort of thing. I’m a pretty sensitive guy so I guess that’s what bothered me.

As I said in the previous post I have started seeing an energy/spiritual healer through these really tough times & it seems to be helping.

May 26, 2015 at 9:20 am #77293

Anonymous
Guest

Dear pat:
I read your response and I read most of your original post aain. I find it very interesting. Here are a few thoughts: you wrote that as a child you were introvereted and that you grew up into a person you really liked. Did you not like yourself as a child? The person you like, you, the person you evolved into as a teenager- is that the helpful, strong, there for others person? Lots of benefits there- but maybe requiting some more development, seeing what is not working for you in the person you became.

I also wonder about the words she said about you killing yourself. I wonder if she felt burdened by how much she perceived you needed her… I wonder so many things. Too many questions on my mind. If there is anything in what I wrote that means something to you, that you want to further think about, communicate about with me/ others on this forum, please do.

P.S. Hopefuljosh- can you do a separate post so that we do not “hijack” Pat’s post?
anita

May 26, 2015 at 9:29 am #77296

Patrick
Participant

Hey Anita,

It’s not that I didn’t like myself as a kid it was the problem of being extremely shy. Through high school I really found myself as a leader/someone that could make other smile. I like to joke around a lot. Seeing other people happy makes me happy. So I guess when I had to receive the news from her that I wasn’t making her happy I was completely crushed.

I like to be the one people depend on for some reason.

As far as the burden goes…she probably felt that I needed her too much, but it was only because I figured that she should reciprocate the same amount of love I was showing her, which she wasn’t.

May 26, 2015 at 10:32 am #77310

Anonymous
Guest

Dear Pat:
I hope your spiritual/ energy healer helps you. I also hope you do not get stuck in being the helpful, stong guy for others to benefit from, the GIVER. I hope you learn how to take as well as to give, how to be volnerable with another, that is “weak” so that another has the chance to help you and get the great feeling of being helpful (to you). See, what you like, helping others, that somebody you are trying to help may benefit most by being helpful to you…
anita

May 26, 2015 at 10:45 am #77311

Patrick
Participant

Hey Anita,

I see what you’re saying. I still do have a lot of doubts right now about what life means & where I’m going. Also, I do have doubts about finding love again. I’ve just felt so alone over the past 4 months that I’m not sure where to start from again.

May 27, 2015 at 7:32 am #77358

Anonymous
Guest

Dear tricky11:
I read much of our correspondence again this Wednesday morning. Would you like more of my thoughts, analysis, correct or incorrect (you decide)? Well, I can’t hear your answer but I will imagine it is a yes…

You were shy as a kid, afraid you are not good enough, afraid of asserting yourself perhaps, afraid of being vulnerable. As a teenager you found a better way to live, be helpful, be the one others can depend on, be the one making others laugh, feel better. You still kept yourself from being vulnerable but not by withdrawing; instead you protected yourself from vulnerability by being too helpful, to dependable, too strong. So you only show your strong self to others yet your weak self is still afraid…

What do you think???
Take Care:
anita

May 27, 2015 at 10:27 am #77373

Zoe
Participant

Hi,

I have been going through the same thing. I was completely in love with a girl for 10 months, then 3 months ago she broke up with me for various reasons which all made me feel awful- wants to be single, going abroad, she couldn’t handle the arguements, she didn’t want to go on adventures anymore. It’s completely destroyed my self esteem and I now cry most days, which I can’t tell anyone about as they all tell me to simply ‘get over it’. It hurts so so much and I’m scared that I’m living in the past too much wondering if I could change anything.
She says she doesn’t love me anymore and now I just keep reliving everything and worrying constantly that I’ll never be good enough or worthy of another passionate love as I had once.
This part you said “It’s not that I didn’t like myself as a kid it was the problem of being extremely shy. Through high school I really found myself as a leader/someone that could make other smile. I like to joke around a lot. Seeing other people happy makes me happy. So I guess when I had to receive the news from her that I wasn’t making her happy I was completely crushed.

I like to be the one people depend on for some reason.

As far as the burden goes…she probably felt that I needed her too much, but it was only because I figured that she should reciprocate the same amount of love I was showing her, which she wasn’t”, this rings true to me as I did the same so having her turn around and say she couldn’t be with me anymore makes me feel so lost.

I just don’t know what to do.

May 27, 2015 at 10:34 am #77374

Patrick
Participant

Hi Anita,

You’re probably right. I have been feeling really vulnerable the past 4 months. I do feel like a lost a bit of myself in the process.

May 27, 2015 at 10:50 am #77378

Anonymous
Guest

Dear tricky11:
Maybe I am right about this: you lost a bit of yourself but there is so much of yourself you can find- a whole lot of a loveable, loving person that is waiting to make himself known to you…

anita

May 27, 2015 at 10:53 am #77379

Patrick
Participant

Hi Anita,

Thanks for your kind words it’s much appreciated on my end. And I say that from the bottom of my heart. I will find myself again, it’s just a matter of time I guess.
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