Dear Sesha:

You are welcome, good to read back from you. Still “Feeling lost in life” (the title of your thread), “figuring out what to do with my life“, today. It’s okay to be lost for a little while longer.

Somewhere on page 2 of your thread, you wrote: “I don’t trust my ability to jump high and survive. I am very anxious that I won’t have a safety net to catch me if I fall” –

– here is my suggestion (do it or not, it is only a suggestion): when calm, maybe after a hot bath, alone in your room, listening to your favorite music, close your eyes and imagine yourself anywhere in this world where you’d want to be, alone or in the presence of whomever you wish to be with, doing whatever you want to do, with no fear of falling, no fear of failing, none whatsoever: where would you be, with whom, doing what?

Type away whatever comes to mind.

anita

Dear Sesha:

Two weeks ago, you wrote: “As a child, distressing emotions were not accepted if nothing tragic happened like somebody died“- For a child, not having a home that feels like home, day after day, year after year, a home where you feel safe, accepted and welcomed as you are, a home where you belong- is as tragic as if someone died!

This is why in your twenties, you still long for the kind of home you never had: “I wish to… (be) surrounded by good friends who always welcome me and accept me as I am. I feel like I am part of a family, somewhere I belong and can call home“.

“I would play badminton with those friends and participate on tournaments with them… From time to time we would go on adventures together like camping or travelling” – when a child grows up in a home where she feels like the odd one, she ends up feeling like the odd one in the world outside (“It feels like nobody can handle my oddity“).

When a child feels like she is accepted as-she-is at home, aka that she belongs at home, she ends up feeling that she is likely to be accepted in the world outside her home, and she feels comfortable enough to play and explore/ go on adventures.

But you can’t play and go on adventures, at least, not for long, when sooner or later, you feel like the odd one. Feeling like the odd one makes a person feel “uncomfortable in my own skin… so tense and nervous around people“- can’t play and explore feeling like this!

It will be difficult to get to the point when you feel regularly and on an ongoing basis comfortable and at home anywhere in the world, even by the wonderful lake you mentioned. It will take time and work to get to the point, but it is possible for you, so why not start this process, one step at a time. What are your current living circumstances, if you’d like to share?

anita

Dear Sesha:

By asking about your living circumstances, I meant, where do you live (in your own apartment by yourself, with roommates, in university dormitories? And how does a day in your life looks like, during the week and on weekends, what do you actually do?

anita

Dear Sesha:

I think that the first thing for you to do is to create a daily routine for yourself, a daily structure that you can rely on, a time when you get up, first thing you do when you wake up, second, etc.

“Feeling lost in life” is the title of your thread. First thing to do when lost in life, is create a daily structure.

I will be away from the computer for an hour or a few hours. If you want to, come up with a skeletal daily structure, include your daily walk in it.

anita

How are you, Sesha?

anita