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December 14, 2017 at 1:31 pm #182185
AlexandriaParticipantHere is the gist: I’m 21 years old, I’m going to college, most of my friends are 2 years younger than me and have no direction, it’s been 8 months since I got out of a 2 year relationship and I am scared and lost.
This year has been quite the transition year for me in personal ways. I lost the man I loved, I’m noticing my friends are kind of bad influences on me and I am in college and still living at home. I didn’t really take notice of these things that I am not okay with until I went through this break up. I’ve noticed many areas in my life I want to change. My friends are younger and don’t have jobs or do anything with there lives, life is just a party to them and I don’t feel supported or understood by them. I’m still living at home and that kind of frustrates me too. I feel more immature and like a child than I ever have.
So I make all these goals and I stick to them one day and then the next day and maybe a few days after that I fall back down again and it’s really frustrating. I’ve always been a goal setter and it was easy for me to stick to them but now it’s like I’ve changed into this person I do not want to be anymore. I stay up late and sleep in, half ass my homework, go and party with my friends. I just am not where I want to be or where I think I should be. I know I may be a little hard on myself but I just feel so stagnant I don’t like it at all. I feel like I’ve always had a good head on my shoulders and have been quite more put together than most. But I just don’t know what to do or how to break out of this. My self confidence and confidence in the universe is just so low right now.
I need advice on finding new friends, having more confidence and also if someone has ever felt like this before. Maybe after a break up and how they got through and out of these bad habits.
December 14, 2017 at 2:33 pm #182221
PeterParticipantYou are in a time of transition and something many people experience in the early twenties
Having goals is great but having so many can be overwhelming especially if your attempting to get through them as an act of pure will. There is an art to goal setting and creating a practice to achieve them. When setting goals try breaking them down into doable steps and celebrate the small victories.
Like will attract like – so if you remain open, honest and supportive with yourself like friends will appear.
“It is when we are most lost that we sometimes find our truest friends.” ― Cynthia Rylant
“Not all those who wander are lost.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien
“If you can see your path laid out in front of you step by step, you know it’s not your path. Your own path you make with every step you take. That’s why it’s your path.” “If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ― Joseph Campbell
December 15, 2017 at 7:56 am #182373
AnonymousGuestDear Alexandria:
You shared in a previous thread that you grew up in an alcoholic, dysfunctional family. Am I remember correctly? You shared in this thread that you are currently living at home. Is your home still dysfunctional and how is your relationships with your parents?
Your goals, setting goals, wanting material progress in your life, that was the way you were with your ex boyfriend. You were not happy with him not being as goal oriented as you were, not happy with his friends which you believed were bad influence on him, just as you believe your friends are a bad influence on you.
Will you share more about your goals, your goal orientation and how it came about?
anita
December 18, 2017 at 11:55 am #182763AlexandriaParticipantPeter thank you so much for your input as well as your quotes. I need to save those thank you! That’s exactly what I needed today.
Anita, yes you are remembering very correctly. I appreciate you for remembering me! My mom and step dad are a very good and stable support system. I consider my mom one of my best friends.
So some of my goals are a good diet, regular (daily exercise), doing better at work (I work in sales) doing yoga religiously again, waking up early and going to bed early, regular practice of faith as lately I have been quite scattered with my faith, meeting more people, getting better grades, expressing myself through talents like writing, drawing, painting and riding horses again as I haven’t been doing those either! Spending time listening to more new music as that is therapeutic for me. There is much more I feel but these are the only ones I can think of right now.
These goals have come about because I feel like the last few months I haven’t been as productive as I normally am. I’m kind of sick of just wasting away staying up all night and wanting to sleep all the time. This is not the way I want to live my life. I want to kind of rejuvenate and start fresh this year, meeting new people that I can trust and call my friends, spending more time with family and just little things like that that I have neglected the last few years. I’ve been watching a lot of Teal Swan videos on youtube and there was a video called “Playing it Forward” where you do an exercise playing your life forward 5, 10, 15 20 years etc. forward exactly how you are living your life now. Not only did this shock me but it reminded me I’m still young and it’s not too late to kind of rewrite my destiny and do what I want to do. Today, I have ate healthy and actually went for a run this morning. I think I can do this 🙂 But I still want input!
December 19, 2017 at 6:12 am #182807AnonymousGuestDear Alexandria:
It is getting close to the time of the year when lots and lots of people will be making New Year Resolutions. I used to. And most will abandon those resolutions. I did. Every time.
What I have learned, to increase the chances that you keep New Year Resolutions, is the following:
Make fewer Resolutions.
Expect imperfection of performance in those few resolutions, avoid all-or-nothing thinking. That is, if you fail to get up early one morning, or two, or three in a row, don’t give up on the resolution. Set to wake up early on the fourth day.
Evaluate over time: is the resolution itself worthwhile, is how I am going about keeping this resolution working for me or not… what should I change or adjust, subtract or add to my behavior.
Notice, or be mindful of your thoughts, your feelings and learn how you operate: what are your difficulties, what thoughts make things more difficult for you, and correct distorted thinking, such as the all-or-nothing I mentioned and any beliefs you have about you and others that are not true.
I hope you post again. I would like to continue this conversation.
anita
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