My advice to you is to go total no contact with your (ex) husband. He chose to go outside the marriage and cheat on you, leave you and is now living with his ‘girlfriend’. You technically on paper are still his wife but on all other levels you are not! You love him and probably want him back but that won’t happen unless you disappear from his life. He made his choice and now he has to NOT have you in his life at all! Let him life life with this OW and see how it is. Once the honeymoon phase of this affair now turned relationship wears thin, he’ll realize what he gave up! One can’t walk out of a marriage and start a new life with someone else so quickly! It’s unhealthy and it won’t last. He is still the same man with her that he has been with you. People don’t change overnight.

He has hurt you deeply and it’ll take a long time for you to trust him again. That is, if he is worthy of a chance to make things right with you in the future, he has to be on his own and not have a girlfriend anymore!

Consider talking to a lawyer and let him know that you’re going to file for divorce. *Even if you don’t follow through on this, he doesn’t need to know that!* It may be enough to scare him to see that he IS going to lose you forever and that life with his OW is NOT the life he might think will make him happy. Remember their time together has been in an affair situation only so they’ve not had to deal with ‘real life’ problems or outside influences to test them.

Take care.

I’ve been in your shoes and in my experience, it’s impossible to have a clear head unless he is out of the picture. I am being redundant, as two others before me already said the same thing. However, I speak from experience. To disconnect your feelings, you need time away from him. Cut off contact or remain attached forever to someone who was and remains dishonest with you. It will take time, but eventually, you will feel whole again.

Hello there…

life works in weird and wonderful ways…we often want what we cant have…hence the law of attraction and that can be both the postive and negative…depandant on our emotional state at the time. I do hear that its easier said than done. So try not to resist him or your emotions for him… feel what you are feeling , accept how you feel, let it pass and then move to the next emotion. Love is the greatest healing power, so self love comes first. What Im saying is you need to start resetting your life. press the stop button, fast forward to how you would love to see your life, and write your own rule book for that picture. At this stage you have no idea what the future holds or if you have a place in each others life, yet his life seems more important than yours… You were courageous enough to share your story, and you deserve an applaud, for sharing. Now its time to start making your life more important than his and you start with your own rules for YOU….

That means NOT cutting him out, for that will attract him, what you resist persists….You must start doing one new thing for you. BE it a hairdo, or a new hobby, just get busy and keep the love and kindness about you towards him. No need for hashness or bitterness, just start doing for YOU….Actions speak louder than words, its time to stop talking and start doing…love yourself more than him for a start and see what self love can do…

Good luck

What advice would you give to your child if they were in the same situation?

Even if he came back, how long would he stay? How long would it be before he cheated again? Also, how could you ever fully trust him.

Your heart is not ready to let go, totally understandable since this is the man you married, had children with, build a life with. It’s a huge loss, a life grieved that you had but your husband threw away.

Just takes time and there’s no rush to get over him, do cry but make yourself only have certain times to do this. Life has to go on, albeit it’ll be hard and painful, rely on your friends and other family members to keep you busy and distracted.

I can’t remember, but are you seeking counseling as well? If not, please go.

Your husband is a serial cheater and is extremely selfish and probably has many narcissistic traits. He just hid them well over the years.

Saying and doing are two different things, it’s so easy to say I will cut him out, but to actually do it is not easy as you know.

Time is on your side, but really do your best to not see him anymore. Any communication if need be should be done through email.

Hugs and I hope you’re feeling better.

Courageous,

I don’t know how much advice I can give, but I live by a quote I once heard.. “Forget what you want, and remember what you deserve”. I constantly remind myself this when I know someone is bad for me, and all I want is for them to be around me. You deserve to love and appreciate yourself. We all do. While I don’t know your (ex) husband, I can only imagine that he may be unhappy with himself, which might be why he is doing the things he’s doing. He sees that you’re doing well, and not waiting around for him. “The greatest revenge is living a good life”.

Go one and live the life you’ve always dreamed. Don’t ever settle for anything less then you deserve – and you deserve an unbelievable amount of happiness, and love.