Hey Stephanie! I’ve been there. I’ve been there, man, I’ve lived there and I will say this… Lie till it becomes the truth…Its crazy that you write this, I just read an article on here that had something to do with self worth, this line really stuck out to me:

“I began to renew my mind with new thoughts. When a negative thought come to mind, I observed it and then replaced it with a thought that uplifted and affirmed me. In the beginning, it felt like I was lying to myself.”

I know you said you tried that but I really believe its the best way to get out of your own way. You wouldn’t exist if you weren’t good enough. I had to realize this…GOD does not make mistakes. Just make a list of ALL the things about yourself that are positive. Even if the only thing you can write is that you’re honest about your feelings, thats a start. Don’t make a list of the negative…that’s not important. And everyday add one positive thing to it. Really give it an effort, don’t let it become a chore, but understand that this is you deciding to see you as being MORE THAN GOOD ENOUGH. Make that decision! That’s where it starts, with you! Your son is simply mirroring how you feel. Make a commitment that no matter what happens you will see yourself the way you want to see yourself, the list will just help you focus on specific qualities. Now let me ask you, who do you want to be?

You feel worthless because you probably were told you were in the relationship. If somebody controls you long enough, you believe it is because you are useless, incapable etc etc. You have probably lost your confidence due to what happened. I am in a similar situation but haven’t left yet….yet. I have a 12 year old. They get confused and don’t know what they should feel and at 8, they don’t have the ability to verbalise. They often think they are to blame so he may need some reassurance. Things were so bad due to this marriage and my childhood (narcissistic mother) that I went to Trauma Group Counselling. It was then I realised. I do not need a man to make me feel confident and happy. I need to work on ME. I need to love ME. Once I began to do that, the depression faded and my confidence got better.

And the most important thing…no matter how bad a relationship was, we all grieve them when they end. And that can go on for quite a while.

HUGS

Hi Stephanie, I had to stop by to say hi and share for a bit. I was in a very toxic relationship for four years. The damage this can do to someone is quite intense. these toxic people are genius when it comes to destroy every little bit of their partner’ sense of self, selfworth, respect until there is nothing left. that is what they do. So I want to say that first of all, you had the courage to leave and that, Stephanie, says a lot about who you are. I am not surprised the least for how you feel right now. but try to hold on to that reality: You had the courage to leave. many of us can’t and i know for a fact because it happened very close to me while i was growing up. Sadly, this member has never left… and i watched a woman who spent most of her life living in a constant state of fear, humiliation and manipulation. She lived most of her life without herself… Finding the strength to leave is extraordinary. Try to hold on to this for a while. It will take time but you can do it. It is in you. People mean well by saying things will get better. Of course, they care and they want to reassure. what i am going to say to you: Not the things that are going to get better. YOU are going to get better! YOU are going to rebuild and heal the injuries caused by this toxic relationship because you may not feel it right now, but you have power and you have control… YOU are going to be able to embrace life as she comes (the good and the bad….) with warmth