I ended a 7 year relationship with my first boyfriend a year ago. The relationship had become codependent, and we had both stopped growing as individuals (he was 26 at the time, for years he had resisted the idea of getting a job until he found his passion and found the perfect opportunity; he was on welfare at a time. Meanwhile, I was doing my masters degree and then got a job in my field). I know that he loved me dearly, and I loved him as well, but it go to the point that we had limited our social contact to ourselves (neither one of us had any friends), we were fighting often, we had tried to mend things on more than one occassion, but it was a recurring cycle of things not changing. I realised at 25 that I couldn’t see myself being with him in the long run, so I ended it. I know I hurt him (he’s told me, he’s told my best friend) and I’ve kicked myself in the head multiple times since because of that.

I’ve since been dating a new guy for three months, and I’ve been slowly falling for him. I feel comfortable and safe with him, and happy. He told me he’s in love with me last weekend and at the moment I replied in kind, as it felt right. Though I know that we have a long way to go and this is still very much the honeymoon phase, there is something about this guy that feels right.

Over the last few days (this new relationship is long distance), I’ve had all these feelings of guilt creeping up on me. I feel very guilty that I am in a better place in my life (career, friends, love life, creative) and that it’s all come since I broke up with my ex. I know he’s doing better too (saw him once after the break up and a friend saw him too, he got a job in the field he’s interested in and is pursuing his creative passions on the side). At times I even feel angry towards my ex, thinking that if we could’ve resolved the main practical issues, we could’ve been moving onwards with our lives together.

Though I’m very comfortable with my new boyfriend, I haven’t spoken much about my ex and have not voiced any of these thoughts to him (I haven’t seen him since he said he’s in love with me because of the long distance), but I also don’t think I want him to know that I’m feeling like this. I’m not second guessing my feelings for my current boyfriend, just not sure how to adjust to having them towards a new person and forgiving myself and my ex for the fact that we didn’t work out. How do I reconcile my guilt for having hurt him with feling happy saying those three words to someone else?