Dear victoire3:

When you watch a young child, you will see, if the child is not traumatized yet, that the child loves anyone who shows love to the child, no restrictions, no exclusiveness. Someone is loving to the child, automatically the child loves back.

We are born, I strongly believe, with a loving nature and all we want is to love and be loved. The rules of exclusivity were not absorbed yet.

It is natural for you to love our new boyfriend, especially when he expressed love for you. It is natural and okay for you to feel love for your new boyfriend and at the same time, to remember the love you felt for your 7 year long ex boyfriend. It is natural to still feel that love for the ex and to regret the relationship ended. After all, you had hopes and dreams that it would last a lifetime, I am supposing.

It is natural for your current boyfriend to still feel a residue of love to any of his ex girlfriends.

Maybe we wish we had exclusive ownership of someone’s emotions, but we don’t. We can’t control what they feel and neither can they. It is the behavior we can expect to be the subject of one’s self control, not the emotions. Emotions are involuntary, automatic, unchosen mental events.

And so, I hope you contemplate this and come to some conviction in your mind, that whatever you feel is okay and acceptable. Nothing to be alarmed by, nothing to confess to the boyfriend, nothing to apologize for.

What do you think?

anita

If you guys could’ve fixed it, you would’ve. Allow yourself to believe that you each did the best you could, with the knowledge and skills you had at the time. It’s okay to move on and love someone else. I’m very happy for you 🙂