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Feeling down/ need some support

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  • October 7, 2013 at 5:07 am #43351
    Bernadette
    Participant

    Im feeling low today, its been 5wks since me and my bf of 5yrs broke up, I was doing quite ok, moving on slowly and coming to terms with what happened.
    yesterday as I was out and about with my friends, I saw him driving past with a new girl in a car and a small boy in the back seat, I was kinda shock, ive moved 100 steps back and feel very tearful today.
    It just dawned on me, how could he? hes always one to say, he doesn’t jump in relationship that easily, cause we always use to talk about our friends jump in and out of relationships, and since hes a Christian he says he doesn’t believe in those things.
    I know im just in shock cause ive been with him for so long and didn’t expect him to move on so quickly, plus we live in such a small island and everybody knows we were together for quite a while, there will be lots of gossips and already one friend has called me to say they saw him with a new girl in a rented car,

    when he was with me he never had money to take me anywhere, he was always complaining of being broke after giving a small contribution towards housekeeping, hes never rented a car when he was with me, I had to do most of the expenses.

    I don’t know I just feel down.

    last year we broke up at the very same time, he went off for 5 months, he contacted me after that time to say he misses me so much and couldn’t see his life without me, I was naïve enough to take him back even though some friends said they saw him with another girl when we were broken up, he denied and I believed him and took him back, now I saw it for myself, he cant deny it if he ever tries to come back again…

    Its sad cause he talks so much about how people have changed and no one values relationship anymore and that people make it so easy to cheat and break up in their relationships instead of solving the problems…
    Honestly I cant see myself going on a date as cause the breakup is so fresh in my mind.
    oh well, maybe I just need some encouragements to get thru all this.. Thanks for reading

    Bernadette

    October 7, 2013 at 7:58 am #43359
    Alexxandra
    Participant

    Hi Bernadette,

    I am going through the same thing. A two year relationship…it’s been over 2 months since the break up and for me it just gets worse every day. Not better.
    I don’t know that I can offer you much…but sometimes it just helps knowing that others are going through it too. When I read your post I felt close to you just by this
    shared experience.
    Broken hearts hurt so much.
    I hope we can get both get through this.

    Alexxandra

    October 7, 2013 at 8:25 am #43361
    Bernadette
    Participant

    Alexxandra
    Sorry to hear you are going thru the same things, I was sort of ok until I saw him with this new girl yesterday, I just felt a bit sick, cause just 2 wks ago he was telling me how much he misses me, I knew we couldn’t get back together because of all the problems and stressed he put me thru during the 5yrs I was with him, we could never settle any arguments cause he wouldn’t even acknowledge we have a problem or to even talk about issues in our relationship, , he use to think the problems is with me, im dramatic, im crazy, I fabricate stories, like when he is not honest with me, when he lies, he seems to think I take pride and joy in arguing with him. Hes got so much negative views of me just because I talk to him about things that bothers me in the relationship and I guess deep down he knows he is lying and he would turn the table on me all the time, so in the end I just stay quiet and would barely talk to him.

    Im a strong believer that everything happens for a reason, Im still hurting because I really did care for him and was hoping that I could give this relationship my everything to make it work, towards the end I came to realize that its no fun being with someone who couldn’t see were they are going wrong or to sit and talk about ways to improve our relationship, I was the one doing all the hard work, he was just chillin, when we argue he runs to his mum, don’t hear from him for weeks, this has been the story of the relationship. It was draining cause my ex is 45yrs old, hes been married and divorced.

    B

    October 7, 2013 at 11:34 am #43366
    Alexxandra
    Participant

    I hear you Bernadette…my ex was full of head games too. He recently got married, but wanted me to be his mistress.
    The situation is just sick and so hurtful…because I still love him. The thought of him being with another woman just kills me.

    I read something recently about relationships and when you are spending more time sad IN the relationship than you are happy, it’s a good sign that you need to let go.
    Which should be obvious, to anyone with a healthy sense of self-esteem. lol

    But that’s something I’m working on and hopefully will be able to put this behind me someday. I can totally empathize with what you are feeling because it’s so hard to imagine that there is another person out there who could ever make us feel the way they did, right?

    I made a promise to myself though, that for the rest of this year I’m going to no think about dating or men. I’m just going to work on my ‘self’. I go up and down every day like a freaking roller coaster. I have moments where I think “I can do this” and I see the sun shine. Then ten minutes later, I’m curled up on the couch sobbing. It’s a process….and I guess this process is going to take a little longer than I’d like because I just cannot imagine not loving this guy, you know? But I have to let him go…it’s the only kind thing I can do for myself. That’s what you and I need to do…we need to just focus on ourselves. 2014 is right around the corner and it will be a better year for both of us ^-^

    October 8, 2013 at 6:44 pm #43459
    tulips8
    Participant

    Hi Bernadette,

    Your feelings are normal. Five years is a very long time, and do not feel you have to rush back into dating. 5 weeks in comparison is nothing!

    Everyone deals with these things differently. Some people handle the pain by withdrawing, others with ‘rebounds’ or new relationships, but the feelings your ex is avoiding will come back and hit him eventually. I’d tell your friends you don’t want to hear ANYTHING about him. I actually asked my friends to delete my ex from facebook and if they didn’t want to, to not reveal anything about his life to me.

    Try to use this time to fully examine and feel what you are going through. After my 4 year relationship ended, I covered the negative feelings anyway I could, and they are creeping out now, 3 years later. Try to find your center and what makes you excited. Go out with friends. Try to stay busy. Cry as much as you need. This feeling will pass. Allow yourself the time and space to get there.

    Much love.

    October 10, 2013 at 9:11 am #43566
    Macintosh
    Participant

    I totally feel your pain.

    Guess my contribution is, allow yourself to really feel what you’re feeling and cry it out. Then cry some more and do your best to let go of what once was. Much easier said than done, especially when the mind replays what the heart can’t let go of!! It really does suck, this pain and heartache of losing someone you love so much, and it hurts just as much to know and see that they’ve moved on and seem happy. It does a number on your self esteem and confidence level, that’s for sure! It has for me.

    Allow yourself 10-15 minutes a day to think about him, and then try to focus and keep busy, keep telling yourself that you’ll feel better soon.

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